...PrInce oF teNniS ForEva...

2005-05-03T21:48:00.000+08:00

i HAve MoVed my site cos ThiS BLoG iS BlOWed... =)
www.spirit-of-all.blogspot.com

2005-04-22T21:19:00.000+08:00

heh.... i feel like i DEFINITELY MUST SAY THIS!!!!!!! ok. today i got the shock of my life. my class, 05S47 engraved new memories into my heart. =) michelle walked into the canteen with a cake n a single candle on it. haha. we were supposed to meet mr ho there. who would have thought rite???? bt i did suspect some stuff lahx.. juz not alot of them. only the cake...... n then.... they walked in with a present lahx..... n it was so huge, i cant say how big it is.. n i opened it up on the spot as they requested........... n to my uttermost surprise............. it was a huge 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle of prince of tennis!!!! haha. of cos i screamed on the spot... n ya it got all filmed up n then they replay the whole thing a zillion times n i was screaming a zillion times.... haha. i didnt expect it lahx. n e choc cake was cut n all.. with my hands shaking. i almost cried. but mayb cos i too cold n hard le. so i didnt. juz like.. touched. so long nv celebrate. didnt expect to now. not like bringing me into e world was a good thing rite? anywayx... took a few pics.. or shld i say, quite alot. haha. n then we like had fun lahx. or at least i did.....

and er.. later took neoprints with the 超?无?冷笑?家?. but sadly, germaine was not there... =( haix. next time lahx. =) ok... so i juz knew my class like 2 weeks less??? 05S47 is only like 2 weeks old. including this week. lolx. so i'm so honoured.... n MIMOSHELL N GANG ROX!!!!!!!!!! i love u guys. i duno how to express my love for u all. =) haix.. oh, n i have tis set of like... paper with words by my friends haha organised by mimoshell. she asked them to write for me... so sweet. now i got a sample of everyone's handwriting!!

i must thank mr ho too. haha for the cake... =x haix. so funny lohz he.... =) haix... nvm. think i got nth really much to say, but i went for ct speech day n saw my sec sch mates! so coolx ya. haix. nvm... c u guys soon.....

2005-04-20T17:50:00.000+08:00

hEyo pEePs... *talkin to myself again* yup. sch u came out le!!!! i dun think its like damn cool or wad lohx.. but its not bad lahx. haha... quite nice.... can camouflage in the sch one... =X same colour as the walls.. n the dustbin. but wad to do rite???? haha. cant wait to wear it.. e best part is.. I DUN HAVE TO TUCK IN!!!!!!! haha. ya. yesh.. n i purposely buy big big. lolx. so now its like so baggy n hanging loose n make me look like a fat idiot. but i dun really care lahx...=X i admit i fat anywayx............... haha. ohxx..... and er... tutorials so much i dun have much time to do anything. =) floorball gonna start soon le. so i'll be quite busy.

ok... the new thing is tat i have my project work groupings le. =) sad thing or a good thing.. =X =P i duno which. but i'm the only gal in my grp. lolx! i think quite suey lahx. most prob will feel left out n all... haix.... wad to do lohx. nvm.... =)

oh ya... n i sent in the '40 hours' draft. lolx. u wun believe it!!! the cher replied me n said...
(Hi Sze Ki,
We've looked through your draft for the 40 hrs competition. Congratulations! We think you have potential as a writer. So, we are putting you in the Writing Talent Development Committee. We will need to meet to go through your essay to polish it. Please look for Mr Paul Chow before the weekend.)
omg lohx.. haha. the funniest thing tat eva happened to me.. duno they lack writers or they juz trying to make me happy. lolx! hmmmm. nvm lahx. i'm happy i made it. n when i told my mom she was smiling. she must be so proud of me!!!! heehee.. kidding lahx. she juz said my skirt was too short.... T .T

i juz cut my hair today btw... a new look ma. haha. make over. new sch u, new look. =P ok lahx... tml later friends call me cedar boy.... =x.. haix. nvm lahx.. =P =)

oh well... the blog for my chi thing shld be linked soon... so ya. haix.. need to work le. bB!

2005-04-14T20:50:00.000+08:00

lolx..... life in IJC is so fun. a lifetime i wun forget. =) ok.. so far it is fun. besides all the work and all. so far i fell in love with M.I. lolx. i dun mean millenia institute, or... mental institute. wadeva u wana call it... its mathematical induction =P haha. its cool.. and the teachers' all lame one. =) haha... e owing money thing. i o u $5! so lame!!! anywayx. life is fun here. my new class... not tat bad. everyone damn open n all... can talk. 10 gals n like 13 guys? so not so bad.... mr ho is so damn lame.. haha.. so cold lohx.. he is my grp's dad. we call him tat lahx. cos he so lame..... my new fam... the len siao hua jia zu. haha. the 4 lame sisters. me second in line. =P by age ma. anywayx.... its so funny.. everyday i will laugh like mad, thanks to my sisters..... =) heehee.... ya, another talk alot grp is justin n company. i think if we merge, the class will be havoc! *bleahx*

ok.. enuff abt all those stuff.. sch... sch u coming out soon... its gonna be brown!!!!!! n its like can camouflage in the sch lohx... ZZZZZZZzzzzzz ya. lolx. i heard its not very nice. but who cares. at least if i meet yumiko-chan, i wun look like a sec sch kid. =X haha.. floorball is starting up! YEA! oh... n i manage to get D.N.Angel from a classmate... YiPpEe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! got someting to watch... n Do as infinity RoX. oh well... my sch very wierd wierd one. haha. its like for chi. we r all supposed to create a blog n update it in chi... to improve our chi lohx. haha. so cool rite? so i'll be starting a new blog soon..... ;) oh well.

i turning old le.. wadeva it is.. me n yumiko-chan gonna get each other same gift for bday. around lahx... haha. rite yumiko-chan???? i duno when can meet up with u. so bz lohx... u n me... fri.... 3 + can lahx. but then i got jap cult.... or soon to be floorball.... then duno when can le... so, i think my bday gift for u will be hell belated. cos must find time to meet up. =X haix. hope everyone doing well ya.

my dad switched jobs. so i going to sch on my own............ ya lohx. haix.... nvm lahx. meeting friend at JE ma.. =P heehee... got you yun, han ming, n mayb dave or sometimes louie. =x all so on the way... i juz realise tat if u take e 7.30 train from je... u wun be late. juz on time! haha. sch starts at 8... but of cos i dun like to be so late lahx. so i take the 7.20 train..... i mean if we can get the train lahx. lolx. sch ending so late... 4+++++ or 5++. haix... nvm lahx. IJC rox. so.. it doesnt matter. heehee...

well.. gotta go do some writing stuff le... oh ya, my house grp in sch is taurus! tats me!!! lolx. e red grp. so ya, same as dave's class..... haha. oh.. n i gonna get new shoes soon... my mom promised one. so sure will come true.... but i still praying for K700i! anywayx. gta run now. cya all soon.... =P

2005-04-10T15:50:00.000+08:00

ok... been quite a while since i updated... so.. here i m! hmmm....ok. nothing much really, except tat my class is rearranged again!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ='( I MISS 1S16!!!!!!! 1S16 ROX. ok.... basically, me n michelle is stuck with Mr ho. =X and then the others next door at 05S48... while we r at 05S47... =X ya.. so horrible.... chinyee, hanming, alvin, yvonne, hamizah, Jyaas, hero.. n someone else... cant remember his name.. is there! AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO NOT FAIR!!!! mr ho will kill me n michelle since he only know us in 05S47...... haix.... nvm. i like him, so its ok.... ;) ok.... wad else... oh ya, Dave's in 05S32 with Daniel n water fairy (Swee Sien) haha. tats wad we call him lahx... hmm..... so sad lohx.... we all S-P-L-I-T into diff classes.... and then the Shun Fa, in 05S62.... but he know ppl there, so its ok i guess.. =) he so cool. he took jap as third lang in sec sch.... although he claims tat he flung the exams, i still think its cool. =P haha.

so... er.... ya.... most prob joining the jap cult, can learn jap ya... for like $20? for whole year... coolx ya. instead of like.... $450 for a year........... =X hm... and floorball shld be setting up... as there r like 49 names altogether now! haha. so cool. cant wait man.... then can gather with 1S16 agaiN! since most of them.. at least my close classmates joining lahx. so it shld be fun. =)

starting to get busier.. with PW coming in.... n the schedule.... quite ok lahx. not like S32. haha. everyday till 4.40 or 5+++++ so i'm ok. =P hmmm...... IJC ROX! i now hoping my class rox too.... but the gals seem... like those not so.. u know... kind. the guys seem very sporting thou. haha. contrast. tml PE!! shit lahx.... must run teletubie hill again......... haix. tat time make us run 2.4...in the damn heavy rain.... got wet from head to toe... dripping wet.... was like wearing white lohx.. so ya.. can imagine how embarrassed i feel........... the guys were like... nice show.. -.- haha. anywayx..... gotta b smart lahx. good thing brought towel n extra clothes.. =)

oh... my dad gt a new phone yest.... n i know it sounds crazy.. but the phone juz became my dream phone. sony ericson k700i. ya... i love it man.. haha. but sadly its not mine.. dad said if i guai he'll get it for me lohx.... lolx. cant take his words for it one.. although he sounded so serious.... haha. its like so cool..... nvm. i will not elaborate on it le lahx. so... i'm still stuck with my retarded phone which is like.... 2 years old at least? 3 years??? i duno. haha. cant b too materialistic. wad else...... i duno. shld be all..

oh ya.. i must say one thing. on like, last fri? haha. i saw this shuai ge lohx. with michelle lahx... n er... jyaas, dave, shun fa and alvin. we all agreed he shuai, although the guys say he's a gigaloo? i know its mean. think he was trying to appeal in... but duno made it or not. haha. dave gave false hope sia, say saw him in sch on tues......e hell.... he is prob the most shuai person i've seen yet... like out from a comic book. the funny thing is tat his hair is nt geled or anything. all flat down.... haha. with quite big eyes.. very lively kind. =) haix.. nvm. will not dream so much. cant wait for the summer fest... mayb can go to the jap sch at west coast.. the one i so wanted to go.. n then can c all those jap guys i c at clementi at 4+ =P and those *swing swing* lolx!

ohx... i must say one thing.. the S-U-D's ROX!! haha. *name by jyaas* 1S16 foreva............

2005-03-30T20:57:00.000+08:00

hmm.. in life there r many things tat we go thru. n at the end of the road we may end up at the dead end n juz have to turn back, or we trip and fall n get hurt. but we juz gotta pick ourselves up after that n walk on. no one said tat it was gonna be easy n it will always be happy at the end of the road. most roads n alleys r dark n lonely and cold. with tat cool musty smell and tat thick cloud of carbon monoxide as cars zoom past. life is like tat. they drive. u walk. but we all travel at different pace. some ppl r on the streets begging. mayb we feel like giving up... after walking for 3 weeks without food n water. u may b on the verge of dying.... but yet, u cant die. u juz know u cant. n u lived on. somewhere down u will surely find an oasis, or even a nice hotel... we cant c e future ahead. but nice things always happen along the way. *i hope*

ya. i know its like... nth much.wadeva i juz said will sound like crap to some. but i juz illustrated life. mayb my life.. i duno. lately feel not very good. down n all. its all part of life n its games. its ups n its downs. e funniest thing in the world is to have loads of friends. sometimes i feel so lonely... like now. no one to really talk to. somehow. ppl lie all the time. i know many will say they dun. but seriously... we all do. in a way or other... わたしはばかな！ほんとうばか！ya.. i have alot of friends.. but i'm lonely. =) all of them too busy with their lives. like i m not. but. ya, we tend to forget alot of stuff tat we used to enjoy. hmm.. they always say. dun feel sad, dun feel down. u still have me around. i'll be here for u no matter. juz turn to me. i will always be here to listen to u. u can say wadeva to me. but when the time comes for such stuff... wad happens... everyone disappears.... the world needs more listeners. i duno if i'm one or not. i think i talk alot too.... but ya, wheneva u wanna talk to someone abt ur probs, no one's there. somehow they dun listen. n mayb tats wad makes ppl feel lonely. to feel like they have no one to turn to. no one there for them, no one to juz hear them out.

i guess tats all we want i guess. to have this special friend to hear u out no matter wad. to do wadeva they can to make u feel better. n mayb, till now, i haven found this special friend yet. mayb all these r juz childish dreams. in reality, ppl like tat dun exist anymore... mayb. who knows.. its life. but i guess i'll wait thou. patience is something we all need. yet, i nv had it. hmmm... can i stand to wait for this friend to enter my life??? or this person is already here in front of me, but i dun not care much to find out more... life has its funny ways to play on u. we control most of it.. but yet, many things happen not the way we want them to b. i duno... mayb i thinking too much. all these self-reflection. but i feel better now. so i will end here.. purpose served.. はい！ええ！じゃあね。さよなら。

2005-03-29T21:06:00.000+08:00

well.. wad can i say... lately, i'm thinking alot. n doing self-reflections. could b a little due to my tiredness.. ya. i know. i can be hard to handle when i'm tired. so.. sumimasen. nth really much going on... except tat i made a few friends here at IJC. haha. ya. tats nice rite. i know.

i'll name whoever i know.... ok. the first person who asked me for my name.. Dave. haha. really cool guy. n fun to b with. my first friend in class. =) then. there is Han Ming, my soon to be Jap Cultural Society buddy. then there r the gals.... tat i duno much.... there's Hamizah, ChingYee, MIchelle, Yvonne, and... er.... i duno the other one le. haha. ya. i know only these few... oh. i left out one more. Alvin. =) haha. cool guy too. very quiet thou..... =X

hmmm. the teachers not bad. i into this writing competition. hope can finish by date line. haha. ya lahx. long time nv write le, feel rusty... =P i really dun have much to say, just tat I MISS U, YUMIKO - CHAN!!!!!! haha. sms when u free. btw, can u give me ur new no. again.. think i got the wrong one... ZZZZzzzzzzz thanks ya. hope u doin well. good luck everyone.. n YY, thanks for being my friend ya. hope we stay this way no matter wad. n may ur class be better by the day too. =) SayoNAra!

2005-03-27T14:37:00.000+08:00

ok.... i m like damn bored now... ZZZZZZzzzzzzz haha. nth to do. all i wanna say really is tat IJC ROX! haha. somehow i feel a kinda like attached to the sch le. =P now i'm like slacking. awaiting for supplementary lessons to take over my life. ya. lohx. then i gonna suffer n die due to stress n stuff. haha. so pessimistic siax. =X anywayx.... ya lahx. hopefully can get my combi. phy chem maths! haha. ya lahx. no bio...... nvm lahx i guess. now i hope i can make myself work hard. i feel so like ready to work like tat.... like i want to sit down at my desk n read all the notes, study and work hard n do well. so tat i can have a sense of satisfaction. yuPpYX! wish me luCk!

btw, sad cos wun be going to sch with YY le..... ZZZZZZzzzzz ya lahx. dad fetching me. good n bad lahx. cos i wanna spend time with YY mAhx! haha. miss her le. =P she such a great friend n companion. ya lahx... i also hope my les, YuMiko-chan doing well... take care of tat ankle of urs ya? dai jiu bu.

ok...... wad else.... reading danielle steel books now. haha. dun think too much lahx. a little romance wun kill one. =P anywayx... dun feel very good at the moment.. somethings on my mind ya.. besides studies and all. there r my parents and their expectations. keep on nagging i shld do well. at least my dad not so bad.... allow me to use com in the hols. haha. but say sch start must work le. then say wad dun talk on phone... juz invite friends over to my place. haha. he say guy or girl doesnt matter. its the hols.... wahx.. haha. i so shocked lohx. anywayx... YuSu called yesterday... had a long talk with her. kinda miss her in some ways. will find one day play BBALL with them all again. tanoshi ne! haha. anywayx.... check in again next time. prob with my study life n the heavy schedule. Jaa mata ne!

2005-03-22T10:32:00.000+08:00

okx. here i m making a posts.... ya. n chatting online.... haha. i know i bored. but today postings jux came out. yup.... if u reading this, u most prob noe where i'm headed.... cos... u r my close friend, n i would have told u le??? haha ya... n since u guys all know.. i dun have to say it out front rite??? =P ok. i went IJC sci. i duno. mayb i'm relieved... ya. cos.... u know... ya and all... haix. i duno lahx. hmm..... initially a little sad.. cos cant c Yumiko - chan. sorri yumiko. kind broke my promise.. didnt make it there.... haix. dun worry. we'll still keep in touch rite? you'll still be HapPY n SMILEX?????!!!!! ya??? u better arx. nvm. if anyone bully u, u let me know k?

ok... so ya. i made it there..... although i think mayb i shldnt, i still feel a little excited and all.... cos... i duno. its all new to me? ya. n of cos You Yun's going there too. we said so le wad.meet each other at IJC. lolx. so suei. curse ourselves then come true. haiyax... ya lohx. =P n er...... ya lahx. going sci together. Hui yun will also be there.... heehee.. bully her. =P ok. i know i mean. dun have to tell me. haha.

yuPPyx, sad thing is i wun be cing alot of ppl... like yumiko.... n then, Gor.. all those at PJC.. haix. ya. nvm lahx. can meet them one day. long as we keep in touch. even if not, i will still have them all with me in my heart one. treasured memories... =)

ok, then there is my teddy bear. lolx. ya..... hmm..... think n i hope we will be cing each other soon... yesterday with Wolf n pig n bear n dog... lolx. *lame* but i had alot of fun. hope can spend alot of time u guys again. at least i'll be with PiGGy... haha. =P ya lahx.

i dun really have much more to say.. juz tat. i'm tryin to calm myself from being excited? =p ya. n er.... i'm happy lahx. haix. i hope everyone is in one way or another too.....

happiness n joy shld be shared.
not kept only to urself
in order to enjoy its fruits fully.... =)

2005-03-16T19:56:00.000+08:00

ok.... i m like damn pissed off rite now.... haix..... so juz dun get on my bad side this week k... my mom.... :@:@:@ i wanna die le... IDIOT!!! need to scold.. ばか！！！！！こぞ！！！！！がき！！！！！！うるぜ！！！！！！やめろ！！！ for those who did not catch the previous sentences.... dun worry. u didnt miss out much. cos i dun think u wanna know.. :x... ya

reason i'm pissed... the one n only reason.. the sole reason i'm always pissed.... my mom... yup. guessed it rite.... for those who dun wanna read a long complain letter. u can skip this one. this entry is mainly juz to release pent up anger. nth much ya.

for those who are hell bored.... feel free to read:

anywayx... ok..... i m supposed to have class outing a bbq on monday. yes. next monday... guess wad... i juz asked my mom.... there's a outing next mon. a bbq.... class one.. without even a sec passed, " NO!" wad the hell...... i mean.... its a class outing lohx!!!! n u cant blame my sms bill cos of my class rite...... wah laox. n then.... say wad i turning bad.... i'm already bad. i'm just like tat cos i dun get wad i wan.... n in order to get it. wad shld i do??? rebel rite????? goodness.... haix. i mean..... m i tat bad???? do i rebel?????? haiyA! cant even imagine. so many things i wana do in revenge, to rebel.. to get my freedom... but???? wad do i get instead man... a cut from my social life. hols suck due to this reason..... idiot! ahx. i can go kill myself.... she let my sis go for her BBQ at her friends place in Braddell... tats like so far lohz. ok. u may say ya.... my sis is like 6 years older... so when she was like... in JI, she was 19. older, more mature.... more guai. not like me.... i'm a hell of a shit... give so many probs to ppl. hey, wad can i say???? i was born like tat............ :@

anywayx... i felt so bad. biying was like... when i can make it and all... she juz couldnt get the grasp tat my mom dun let me go, not cos too late or the day or wad.... but its cos she dun like me get so close to my friends... but somehow this is ruining me emotionally. cos i cant talk to anyone at home. i'm basically stuck to myself... my books..... the com. tats all.. now no HP... cant sms.. then how???? very torturing. so many things n problems. but i cant solve them all. cos got no one to turn to. is this how depression arise from? cos u keep everything to urself?????? hmmm... i duno..... but if i do get tat... wad can i say? juz gotta live with it... is life so miserable??? haix.... mayb something i really wish is tat my mom will juz let me off... at least once. not counting last time's class bbqs and all.... cos.... now she is like totally strict... ARG!!! i can kill myself... this is no life at all!!!!!! haix. nvm. being born doesnt mean u get a life.... juz means u get the privilege of being tortured by life and its games. nvm...

i'll be in touch soon... mayb when i manage to get online again.... or.... when i rebel n juz hit the com.... or mayb.. my mom..... juz..... nvm. will not curse her. Jaa ne.

2005-03-12T18:26:00.000+08:00

haha..... cheryl.......... i will ans ur qn to the maths test thing.....
"hmmm..... bring calculator, ruler, graph paper, pencil." lolx... omg. i going nuts le.... but i juz couldnt resist not doing this. hehZ!

okok... juz decided to pop in lohz. nothing better to do.... stuck at home.... with...... nvm. i wun say it online. not so good ya. haha... hehee...=P really nth much going on... only that NeXt WeeK's the HOLS!!!!! i mean. not tat i'm really happy, cos i'll be stuck at home................ with nth to do............... n juz.......... rot........... n cant c......... aH bEaR. lolx. okok. tat was lame..... *winKz*

wad else..... oh ya.... next week mayb going class outing.... if they can confirm with me...... n if my mom allow.. hell... haiz.... i think most prob going sentosa. so cool. haha...... can get burnt again. *bleAhX* they say wanna play BBALL there. lolx. weird. *i spelt it correctly* HeHx..... anywayx.... i'm really bored now.... rotting away.... no one online to talk to..... except for nick lahx.

BorEd...... heeeheee.... nvm. something to look forward to.... watching Inuyasha later tonight. and... reading John Grisham's The King Of ToRts!!! if anyone who finished the book *yumiko, u read it b4?* pls..... tell me if its nice or not... so far its not bad.... as long as no one comes up to me n said i wasted money on another John Grisham's book i'm fine.... the first one i bought, The Testament. WASTE MONEY!!!!!! dun buy tat book... its not tat nice. but can survive lahx. heehee....

also.... looking forward to be admited to PJC. i dun mind doing ARTS.... heheee..... i wanna do LIT! YEA!!!!! shit lahx...... got influenced le. keep saying lit nice..... *boo* ;) anywayx..... LuCk GuyS.... cya ARoUNd....

2005-03-07T18:35:00.000+08:00

ya.... wanted to say tat my phone has been confiscated... unless during sch hours. so if i dun reply ur sms..... u know y. lolx n if u desperately need to reach me... CALL MY HOME NO.!!!!!! lolx hmmmm..... Charmaine calls it... Liberty. dun have parents hounding u on where u r, who u with, when u coming back every 10 mins. lolx. but i will have tat lahx. cos phone will be with me during sch time lohx. SiANx.... i rather they permanently take it away from me. cos i lack self-control. so..... will only be tempted to SMS like mad again.

anwayx.... i m like realy bored. having a horrible headache now.. so like ya. but i decided to do something really stupid below. lolx.

* Fond Memories In CTSS *(not in order of time or year)

- choir performance at VCH during band concert
- all the lame jokes by Izzat bro. lolx. n those moments when taking train home together. so cool

- 4e1 gathering at Sital's place. tat was fun. lolx...

- Mr Lau's "Sze ki......" haha. n his big round eyes. =P

- when cheryl punched me... accidentally lahx. but gum still bled. haha.

- skipping trains with Gor.... esp after choir practices... at tat one particular spot

- reading during recess with Yumiko! n of cos, those moments when we juz stone.

- the prawn noodle incident.

- the cheryl's qn on "how u prepare for maths test" haha... i so gong.

- mr tan art room periods. where we juz have fun n enjoy.

- taking bus home with yusu

- pe lessons! lolx. pe now like horrible.

- mrs gan's maths lessons...

- Miss TAN N WRITE PROGRAMME!!!!!

- miss choy switching off lights n fans when we all damn noisy in class... (sec 1e1)

- mr tan, sci cher, would use middle finger point at board lolx. and scold fish. haha.

- times with Hui Yun when we would crap n i will tease her of CWO. haha... the idiot. =P

- big umbrella area

- tat time when WL (kid) went with me to JP to buy yumiko's bday gift. i didnt know y i ask him too. lolx. tat time we werent tat close. but tat day was fun lahx. n i got intro to GUNDAM!
- when the sch will scold Hang (cant say too much. later get... u know)

- sitting between wee qi (ah boi) n dasen. haha.. damn funny lohx. lame ppl. bt very hardworking too.

- the time they tried to trick me saying Benq is wad spanish band. lolx

- i dun miss choir... lolx only Mr lai

- canteen food, or the coffeeshop opposite our sch's food. MI food SUX

- training for sports day in sec 1 n sec 2...

- 1e1'01 2e1'02 3e1'03 4e1'04 ROX MAN!!!!

- sec two class chalet wasnt tat bad

- study period b4 o's last year with kid n gang. lolx. vege boy.... haix..... no comments.

- almost forgot to add this part.... the period of 4+++ at clementi interchange..... haha. busstop 7 n 165 there.. lolx. yumiko will know. heehee....
- yumiko keep telling me not to drag my feet everytime i walk. say damn irritating. i think tat was kinda cute. haha.... okok. lame... (added memory)

2005-03-04T20:02:00.000+08:00

hmmmmmmmmm......... nth much happening.... juz wanna mention abt this song here.... By ryoma again called. Thank you for. is really nice n sweet. somehow it describes wad i'm feeling at the moment. wheneva i hear POT songs, i feel like.. J-pop..... chi pop......wheneva i think abt it.... no music is alike... i mean like *duHx* but the culture n all is very diff.... so... ya. its like nice lahz. cos u get to "understand" other ppl better. heehee... i'm crapping one again.

i realise tat lately i'm updating my blog alot. dun ask me y. i juz feel like doing this so.... haha. ya. i'm doin it rite now. hmmm.... wad else?????????????????? ya, sital left. haiz. wasnt tearful for me. cos somehow i couldnt cry. but its still sad. i duno when i'll be seeing her again. will be quite a while.

yaya... okok. GOOD NEWS I GOT INUYASHA BOX 6!!!!! or shld i say, my mom got it lahz. but ITS FINALLY HERE!!!!!!!! YEA!!!!! HoI hOi! oh man. too much POT le. but i juz adore Kikumaru eiji. below is a pic.... of seigaku regulars. juz a glimpse. =) heeeee.... *sounds like eiji again*

anywayz.... will be in touch. JaA. good luck in ur postings guys!

* SeiGaku ReGuLars *

2005-03-02T11:22:00.000+08:00

haha.... i know i'm bored ya... cos i keep changing the layout. but who cares ya... its still me doin all these after all.... =P heehee. ok. for those who managed to read this. means u r better off than me. cos it took me SSSSOOOOO long to discover how to find this link. heehee.. yaya. so... *bleahx*

ya. next is, i've decided to go PJC. no matter wad. hopefully changing the course of events happening in my life will do me some good. i pray hard that i will make it in.... *prays yet again*. i really got nth much to say. except tat Sorano's leaving tml... haiz. tats so sad. time flies when u have ur friends around. haiz. will b sending her off i think... most prob will lahz. unless my mom locks all the doors or shoots me down or something. *ok tat was lame*

anywayz... i'm juz being myself now.... i love this music... Fly away... something like tat. haha.... by EcHizen RyOma. heehee. kawaii ka? so desu ne... heehee.... i'm talking to myself le.... oh ya... n this thing comes with archives... for those who wanna read my previous entries.. feel free to. haha. * like anyone will lohz... *

oh ya. b4 i forget, i must remind myself first. YUMIKO-CHAN, u owe me n celairwen a $10 meal. lolx. at fish n co arhz??? heehee... i duno. up to u guys lohz. juz make sure u bring me along can le. lolx.... yup yup. catch u guys soon.. hopefully my @$$ would already have been at PJC. n.n JAA MATA NE!!! I LOVE U GUYS!!!!

2005-03-01T21:16:00.000+08:00

ok... i'm not really happy now... unless someone tells me my place at PJC is secured. which i dun think anyone can. ya..... as yumiko said to me.... she cant perform miracles for me. so i've gotta do it myself!!!! yes!. i can do it man. =) hmmmm...... worse come to worse i can prob get my butt into IJC.... bt i'll give a shot at appealing into PJC. ya, miss tan said i shld try to get in thru choir... hmmmm. she also asked me to enjoy now.... wad i dun mind doin i guess is.... dumping all my sci stuff n juz jump into arts. haiz..... y SIAZ.... M I SO DUMB!!!!!!!??????? haiz. but i dun think it would have made much more difference. cos..... i dun think i wanna go thru all these again... i'm happy for all my friends esp Biying. =) u did great man. n i'm really happy u r happy. when i heard u on the phone rite.. i was so happy for u. u couldnt start to imagine. lolx. =)

oh ya.... u know wad i cant stand?? ppl telling me..... hey how much u get. of cos to ask this qn they must have something to show rite? for i will not go around asking.... anywayz... i'm happy for them. but they keep pestering me on wad i got.... say they didnt do well..... ppl i know r not tat bad... but sometimes cos they scared to look proud try to be humble, but end up looking like hypocrites. ya. n they will juz say.... no. i got 11. very bad siaz... i'll juz nt wan to talk to them anymore. haiz.... y cant ppl juz be happy with their grades n say.. i got 11. i'm happy with it. dun worry. u didnt do too badly. dun b so hard on urself. u can make it one. ???? is it so TOUGH?????????? haiz... sorri for sounding irritated. i'm juz out of mood rite now....cos i falling behind my expectations... yet again. or i juz proved tat i m hopeless.... whicheva. anywayz.. so ya. i need to lick my wound first before getting up n apply medication on it. :@:@ this is so frustrating.... y i work my ass off n end up like this???? omg... i can juz go kill myself. n my paretns ....all so not helping. said i must be more serious i work. work harder, shldnt have played com so much... sms so much.. listen to music when studying... they say i want to do well in JC must work hard.. dun think abt past, when all they eva DID was talk abt the past..... i feel so *MAD* i can diez...... haiz.... must keep cool. i mean, its still my brain n my heart n myself tats at fault after all.. if i were someone else... * i will not mention name * i'll prob have like a 12 or something.... haiz... everytime now.. i think abt it. i keep thinking... 19??? really i got 19??? m i so dumb??? when ppl get 10??? n some how the tears juz roll..... ya... i'm such an idiot. dun cry over spilt milk. idiotic. haiz... i'm a useless freak!

of cos... other sadder stuff... ppl getting 15 n below..... haiz. nvm lahz. i'll try my best.

oh ya, YuMiKo u owe me $10 treat ya. >.< oh. n thanks alot for being there for me when i was crying my soul out... n was in hysterics... wad a sight it must have been...... haiz. now i'm so embarrassed... dun feel like going back to CT le. how ar????? =( heehee. thanks alot all the same. n pray with me too.

2005-02-21T21:56:00.000+08:00

i'm back...... haha... got miss me got miss me??? i guess not. =( sad.... boo hoo... i knew it. haiz..... wad to do... this week o's out. ya... gotta hope for the best now... its all written. juz hopin tat mayb a miracle or gift appears n i do well..... haiz... very scared when i think abt it. cos its so unknown to me... like i duno wad to expect like tat. hee hee.....

lets c.... went to TP open house last thurs. the place is lovely. but the ppl.. i duno. the courses.... i also duno. Law seems so nice. but the sch so far away... n the chances of going NUS is like.... 0.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001% ya. say wad top 10% of cohord. but hey, 1st person last year who made it doesnt make up tat 10% ya?

wad else....... lately been very weird. cos i've been complaining alot abt my food. lolx (yumiko. dun laugh. i know u gonna say something lahz..... like impossible or something. lolx hey, first time for everything) n i haven have much of an appetite for food. ( dun start laughing again) c... this is one hell of a short entry.

oh.... ya. n i m wondering.. if Yumiko didnt point out tat my weird is spelt wrongly, i would have been spelling it as wierd for the rest of my life. haha. y no one tell me siaz..... oh ya, must thank daryl too for reminding me again later. if not i'll be making a fool of myself spelling funny things. =P

ok... c... this is the concluding statement for this entry. heehee... okok... i think will c u guys all on the BIG DAY!!! then u guys can c me AGAIN! cant wait rite.... omg.... since when i became so BHB. must be too much sleep le. lolx. (i think many ppl gonna whack me le) kk... c ya. SaYoNara

2005-02-18T15:26:00.000+08:00

こんにちわ！！！はじめまして。しばらくですね。i hope u guys r doin fine. =) i'm doing.. not bad i shld say. haha. =) next week the o's will be out. r u guys excited?? i know i m. mayb i already know wad i'm gonna get, so.. i do not feel very affected. i mean, how much can i improve from my prelims man. teachers say tat u will do better. y no one think tat u can do worse too? hmmmm... i think i will most prob b doing acc in Ngee ann. haiz.. my parents foreva on me at this. cant they juz release their hold for a while??? ばか！cant stand it anymore. mayb i'll die soon. with all these going on... how m i supposed to think straight?

haiz... i really hope as wad celairwen says... get my ass into PJC. but... from wad i've been hearing abt the MOE letter to be teacher stuff... is for L1R5 less then 17, i think i CMI le. haiz. wad the hell lohz. but i dun wanna go thru o's again.. sleeping at 2.30 everyday is not for me. n trying to study like a mad person is not my cup of tea either.. sometimes the only regret i guess is mayb to work harder for my prelims. then mayb i wun be here in this place now, in this situation with my parents nagging at me... but on the other hand, i wouldnt have met alot of people.... like Daryl n gang n you yun, and my classmates.. haiz. on the other hand, i'll be with yumiko. but, if i were there.. would our friendship still be like tat???

lately i've been thinking. n realised tat i have changed. for the better or worse? i m not sure. but in someways i've opened up myself to talk more then i did last time. lesser stress now too. life is easy going, less busy and fun all in all. i duno myself anymore.. sometimes i feel so evil. *ya i know its my nature to be so* howeva, i feel so sad for my mom. to have a daughter like me. must be a killer. she juz increases my guilt by saying i give her heart attacks. n being a problem kid. haiz. wad to do... rebellious in nature.

b myself. is it alrite to b myself if i can cause pain to so many ppl? esp those closest to me. as in my family? or is it the whole wrong move? y wouldnt anyone tell me how to solve this prob? its really been a while since i last have a horrible depression. i know its all written in my archives. which cant b viewed here... all my past experiences.. haiz. i'm dropping them all. time heals MOST wounds. hoping one day they will all be gone. mayb juz a scar as a reminder. =) n i must learn from my gor... cant be sad n depressed.. must always smileZ! lolx. i wished he were here now. then mayb can continue to play the game.. i wonder who won the other time. must ask him e next time i c him. =P

oh wells... guess i'll b cing u guys next week... for O's. the DAMN BIG DAY! haiz... =) ok. cya guys then. じゃあね

* i LoVe OtOri!!! *

2005-02-11T18:33:00.000+08:00

heehee.... こんばんわ.. いまは 6.35 pmです。おげんきですか？めしみね。(konbanwa. ima wa 6.35 pm desu. ogenki desu ka? meshimi ne.) haha.. ya. i know i'm bored. my jap damn limited too.... =P *ps.. u can read the hiragana.. juz encode it to Jap instead of Unicode. haha.* heehee.. nth much going on lately. cos its the hols. time flies like hell.... cos its now FRIDAY!!!!. n on TUES was CYNE. ya.. baka! (ばか！) yameto ne! (やめとね！)wah laoz. time juz wasted like tat. there r many things i wanna say, but i wont and i cant say here... cos... i dun think its meant for the public's eye.... ppl have to keep secrets too ya. so... hope u guys dun mind.... gomen nasai.. (ごめんなさい。) sumimasen. (すみません。)

okie. mon is VDAY!!! YEA. i cant wait. i kinda got friends something i made. thou its nth much... but i hope it will do. haiz. cant wait. oh ya. i'll b meeting YuMiko-Chan (ゆみこーちゃん) on wed... i think or tues... n then Sorano (そらの ) on wed or fri.. haha. bth days also will b fun!!!! =) heehee.. was juz thinking when the budget club will be meeting again. =P muahahahaha. to think tat even after so long, we guys still keep in touch with loads to say to each other. everyday i'll be thinking. i dun think there is much to say to them. our friendship is weakening.. haiz.... howeva, when i c them..... i seem to be talking non-stop. haha. idiot rite? baka. n i feel our friendship bonding strengthening day by day... haiz........

ok.... should be nth else for now.. so CYA.. Jaa MaTa.... (じゃあまた。)

* miTe miTe *

2005-02-09T13:07:00.000+08:00

CNY is FINALLY here.... haha... today will foreva be with me. cos not only is it the chi new year, the chicken year. but cos it has new meaning. i will not elaborate it here... cos...i do not know how to say it. but mayb i will in time to come. i feel so happy. haha. =P prob yumiko will know. heehee. shh...

went back to c my sec sch yest. it was mainly to c my friends... all those tat i left months ago. n didnt have time to c them all again... =) met alot of my old classmates. feel so happy... haiz. .... met izzat. heehee. still as shot as eva. cheryl went a few mins after i arrived. =( met Liu lao shi. she still look so sweet, n Bang (pronounced as ba-ng, not bang). n then there is mrs gan. >.< haiz... met yu su too. ,must meet her out one day b4 o's out. n og cos... the person i wanted to meet all the while. YUMIKO!!! haha. =P we went to Clementi MRT to talk for awhile, skipping trains like last time when i was with my gor... n juz talk. ya. my gor later did appear. i tht he was with...tat... yucky girl. but of cos he say no lahz. it ended up being clara. haha. gong gong me. enuff le lahz. oh ya, i also saw matthew. ya..

so ya. i promise this would not be a death will. haha. *according to YUmiko my previous one sounded like one*. =P

oh ya. i saw a shooting star yest!!! haha. was so coolz. kagoii... haiz... =) e power of God u can say. at first i tht it was a firework. howeva, it kinda was off course. n then, it disappeared. so this proved tat it was a shooting star. n knowing me, of cos i made a wish. but i wun say... or it wun come true. *bleahx*

kk. wanna go watch inuyasha le... jaa ne...

* SaEki *

2005-01-31T16:59:00.000+08:00

ok... i know i lied.... by posting now... only after a few days off of my previous posting. the thing abt blogs is tat u juz seem to b talking to urself. i'm serious. haha. =) but of cos... i must give credit to yuMiko-chan and celairwen. who has constantly been leaving small comments so i wun feel as if i'm talking to myself.... n, as promised, i've posted Kirihara's pic. haha. it isnt the best one. but its a JPEG format, so i can publish it. haiz.... its so hard to find this pic... got sanada's n yukimura's... but kirihara...... haiz. anywayz, got comments tat my blog is damn noisy. haha. mayb cos of the birthday song. but hey, i love them .POT ROX!. n... there's ryoma's voice. which is SSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOO nice. yaya. heehee.... *talking to myself again, as no one here agrees with me* haiz....

=(

honestly i duno wad the hell i'm feeling now. kinda juz like letting the days run till my doomsday arrive. =) sad rite? had a maths test juz now. it was ok. my ans all rite.... but. still got the jitters as i didnt really study for it. haiz. *keeps sighing* nanda???? I HATE MYSELF. now, i m kinda like slacking on learning Jap. its like, so many other things r taking over... really sad. dun ask me y.

honestly, if only ppl will nv fall in love. i think the world may b more boring, but at least ppl will nt suffer heart breaks... if anyone disagrees with me there, lucky u, cos i'm sure u've met a person who suits u n is having a two way thing with u. but for me, life's not always tat lucky. =) i shld say, its the fates. anywayz, since anime stepped into my life, no one seems tat perfect anymore. but once in a while, i do fall over myself. love honestly sux lahz..... esp if its only one way. haiz. u dun dare to do anything, say anything. wad the hell.... i'm juz crapping again. y m i suddenly saying this again???? its been so long since i last fell for anyone. infatuations dun count here. so.. its been so long... i mean, who can find a person like... Ryoma? haha. he doesnt have the best sort of character, but he plays good tennis? haha n he is clever, really nice guy... so, i dun have to go on saying how in the world u find a person like Fuji syusuke, not yuta. tezuka is also out of the qn. =) * i know u agree with me on this part yumiko-chan* as wad ms tan once told me, "woe to all those women out there." haha. she's still looking for her Mr darcy i think. =P

oh.. since i miss POT so much , i placed another pic in there.... =) SEIGAKU ROX! TSUGOII!!!!! incase u cant the c pic, u can click on it for an enlarged version i think. i duno.... juz one month here n i get so accustomed to life. i'm so tired le.... when O's out gotta change sch again.... then alot of things lahz... i miss so many things. my life.... nt my old one. i cant say i'm happy now, but... i mean i dun wanna go back to my know nth life. with only sadness n controling ppl's future. in the sense tat i try to force fate. but.. it still didnt work. Anime totally changed my life. i wun mind going back to tat Dec hols time.with class outing n all..... haiz.. so fun then

yumiko, still miss u. when will we meet next???? wanna go SP open house or not? haha. =) i duno. feel like we nv c each other everyday, like distantning le... haiz. so sad lohz... if only i made it to PJC. mayb I would have been happier. cos can c u everyday, talk abt POT. live life without worries again. =) to share all my complaints n whining with. =P to talk abt how lousy my handwrite is.... even though looks neat but in actual fact it cant be read. haha..... n.. how much i sux at chem. =) n the sciences... abt our floral shop.. n anime shop. =) haiz. how cute tat guy is... the one in the advert, the jap guys at clementi interchange.... at around 4 o'clock, busstop 7 n 165 there.. then we wld eat choc together. while we wait for ur bus to come. n then i'll be skipping my buses n chat with u, stare into space... zoning off into goodness knows where. n then laughing at all those *swing swing* haha... so much.... then in sch, u will go, i'm not hungry.... but i'll say... i damn hungry lehz... haha. n u would go eat with me. i miss our sch canteen food... food here sux. imagine, canteen food is already..... *BLEAHX* n then we would b readin durin break... david eddings, sidney sheldon. ur books still with me, will return them to u when i next c u ba. wad else... four years together.... 2 years really close together... so much things pass... but still, i still will always remember u. maybe i will forget wadeva arguments we had, or wadeva funny times we share, but, u will still be here ya? =) its a promise. haha... n i kinda miss all the gossiping. when u listen to all my crap no matter wad hell i was talking n no one understood me. =) i even miss those *looks* tat u gave me when u were irritated.... or tat shaking earthquake u produce when u laugh. haha. =) its all so nice. juz to think abt it gives me tears. haiz... like now. =) so sad... here, i dun have much ppl to turn to, to talk to. to share alot of my probs n life. juz to pass time or jus to release my quick flowing thoughts. only u could stand my loudness n goofiness.. =) or even my lameness. my weird habits n manner.. my irritating self. i guess u are the only one who could stand all of me. no matter how horrible i was. n those times at choir when i had so much probs, thanks for standing in. to be with me, at sessionals too, even thou u need not be there. n for scolding my section. haha. for cooling me down wheneva i got pissed. *though i think it was very seldom i gone over the top* only u know how my manner is lahz. tat i dun get angry, but really irritated. u knew the things to say to make me laugh n have a nice 2 years at sec 3 n 4 life. cos u were urself, n u let me be myself. which made me feel comfortable. juz when i tht we were so close,we had to spilt up again in diff schs... n our friendship may have shrunk in size. but it doesnt really matter. cos u're still my friend to me, my les. haha. =P in a sense, no one can eva take ur place, cos u carved out great pictures in my heart where it remains irremovable. hopefully i will c u soon, be in same class as u, after O's if i make it to PJC. n once again, cover up the patches of holes tat were left open, n to share with u all my happiness n sorrows all over. i hope u feel the same way. =)

haha, i tht the previous paragraph was abit too..... poetic lahz. mayb long time nv write le... so all the descriptive phrases come out. oh ya yumiko, maybe we go write short stories... like in WRITE. i miss WRITE n Ms tan. haiz... may u all be blessed.

* kirihara akaya *

* SeiGaku Rox *

2005-01-27T20:01:00.000+08:00

Ya... i know i changed my layout again... cos i couldnt stand the one b4. it was so dark n black n ugly. u dun have to tell me. i also know the reason. cos i designed it. so its obviously horrendous... haha. anywayz, sad thing is tat i juz couldnt add a archives link in here.. so all those entries tat u missed, sad to say, u wun b able to view them. =( unless i change my layout again.. but. it wun b tat soon... i think. ya. oh, and putting a few entries into this small main frame would be too messy. being the neat me, i cant stand it. haha. *yumiko, if u r readin this, dun laugh*

heheee..... anywayz, really bad start of the week. cos kept getting pissed off... haiz. duno y. n ppl keep saying its PMS. wad PMS.. haha. cyrus said.. if not menopause mehz. *wanted to strangle him*. i where got so old.... =( ppl around calling me auntie n obachan.... watchout arhz. !!!!!!! haha. then got two guys on same day ask me wad cca i from. i asked them to guess.... n they BOTH SAID. "Library ar?" wah..................... i got look so nerdy mehz? then yao wen say, i shld go for make over. haha. mayb a haircut. but i wanna keep it slightly longer b4 i do anything to it. cos when the heat comes in, it gotta go off. i still dun think this thing can read jap hira. but i'll try.... 繧上◆縺励�ｯ縺輔ｆ縺阪〒縺吶�Ｚa... its alrite here. but when i publish it, it gets horrid. but if anyone can c the hira characters, pls let me know. my mom went on again on learning jap. haha. haiyo. no wonder i getting old le. =P

mood swings sux. really. one day i damn pissed, next day i damn nutty. depends on how lucky u r is the one u will get. heehee... YuMiko chan!!!!! i miss u siaz... n sorano too... esp when u going off to aust. *i dun think sorano reads my blog, but hack. i still wanna say it.* i also miss.... lets c...... CELAIRWEN! haha. n.. there's shit, n gor, n kid, and ah boi, and Dras, and... RAINTREE! nv talk to her for long time. must meet her one day. n... bro!!! IZZAT! haha. i miss Mr Lau too! n Miss lau! although i m slowly adapting, its still all this fond memories tat r stored in me...... the good the bad, the sweet the bitter thru thick n thin, i miss u guys... although 4E1 was not a very united class, i miss everyone. oh ya, i left out cookie monster! =P *gomen nasai*

this is turning to be a very long entry. mayb cos i'm at a crazy mood now. * i'm nuts!!!* oh, i'm meeting sorano tml! yea! haha. but we on budget. =( the budget club ya.

oh ya, celairwen, u still haven told me exactly wad was going on. after so many entries, u still haven got down to it. haha. =P

YuMiko! i miss u lots. u miss me too rite????? * u better say u do* ;)

oh ya, b4 i forget, this pic below damn cute rite???? haha. i found it very funy. me younger sis help me find one. haha.... ryoma look so *retarded* opps... did i say something? but his tennis skills still high up there lahz. though tezuka's still the best. =) for those who r lost in this part of the entry, gomen nasai. which juz means tat u MUST WATCH PRINCE OF TENNIS!!!!!!! =) oh ya. i dun think i can type caps here.... so exclamantions r juz filled with lots of !!!!!!!!!!! ya.

wow... this is a damn long entry... okok... i think i will stop here b4 i really go bonkers. although i m already one..... =( heehee... it may b a long while b4 i check in, cos this is damn long..... then again. with a mouth like mine, nth's eva too long... my thoughts juz run too fast. yesh... i know u guys know tat. so... shld be all for now! i haven even talk abt my sch life... haiz... how arhz?????? haha. mayb next time lahz..... =P

till then, stay cheerful guys!

* RyOma KaWaii *

2005-01-24T16:19:00.000+08:00

First of all.... i must thank my younger sis... for helping me update my POT pics. YEA!!!!!! haha. so ya.. u can imagine now.... i have more POT pics than ENERGY's. haiz.. wad to do. its so NICE. KiReI! haha.. i juz decided to update my blog. for fun? maybe juz to put new pics.... and er.. wad else har?? hmmmm...... i kinda made new friends here... at MI. i can name them. coolz rite. my Memory is Improving. i think.... =P

went to NP open house. it was not bad lahz... met YuMiko there.... funny thing was i saw her juz arrive. then when i left, she also there.... haha... KaWaii rite? heehee.. i know. very limited vocab. wad to do thou??? ShiRimasen!!!!! this thing cheat me. haiz. nvm lahz... can c can le... =P. mada mada dane. sad rite.... i know....

oh ya, till now i still dun get anything... celairwen, wad ask YuMiko????? ask wad????????????????????
anywayz... its the monday blues.. no.i'm not blue. i'm yellow. haha. i think yellow looks worse. =P shucks.. getting horribly lame. when i think abt my life now, it seems to be in shatters. like i have no idea where to turn. i have long stopped writing le. find it hard to start again. nothing is coming in. y??? shirimasen na.... haiz. so sad. tats abt the only word i've been saying. monday blues... kinda down now. duno y. seems to have gotten used to this feeling i have once in a while. but i cant shake it off. =( hmmmmm....... nothing much really. Jon n winston going off tml! i CMI. cos my lessons end so late. told then jaa ne le though. later at march.. will be sital's turn. i feel so sad they r leaving.. yet i also envy them. cos i know i will nv have the chance. unless i pay it all myself after i work n all. prob for my masters? if i can eva make it there. o's not even out yet. till now, i still dazed abt my exam. like i duno where i belong. i feel so frightened abt my results......

will i eva make it up there? is the qn i keep asking myself...

* AmIn MeLLa Lle *

2005-01-17T15:55:00.000+08:00

HeY hEy.... i dun think i need to elaborate alot on wads been going on lately.. cos really.... NTH'S HAPPENING!!!!!! haha..... nth much really. juz postin for fun and cos i wanna post pics of POT. juz u know, they r like tsugoii... n kawaii.... kagoii...tsugeii... ya. tats abt all. haha. =P InuyaSha alSo DamN NiCe. Kirei ne. all those who watches it will have to agree with me no?

heehee.. nahz.... really bored rite now... gotta do chem le... oh ya, yumiko, celairwen. i dun understand wad u guys talking abt. wad miss someone????? who?????? haha. i wanna know wads in u guys mind. so lost lohz. kept me thinking wad rumours r going around.... *doing*

* OtOri KaWaii *

2005-01-12T20:39:00.000+08:00

Konbanwa! ya... my msn not working. need to reformat com. but cant.. IDIOTIC. haha. i know. ive been saying this word for like eternity le. but. dun care, still saying it. IDIOT. YARO! KOZO!. BAKA! Baka-mitau! Kichigai! Baka yamete-yo! haha...* ps. do not follow. this is vulgarity*
so ya.. where was i? its so idiotic..... !!!!!!!!! haiz. wad to do rite. anywayz, O's results out soon..... duno where i wanna go le. all scattered. hope i do well. Yumiko, pray for me k? =) i'll pray for u too! =) arigato gozaimasu. heehee. 2 weeks here. almost. settling in. they get us into grps, split us up, then get together, then split again. how many times must i make frends??? i mean its good. but.... in my class no one really seems to be my type of person. like frends tat i can get along with. miss every body. haiz... YumiKo, SoRaNo... miss u both. must meet every week k??? promise? wakaimasu. wakatta. haiz.... so sianz... all the best everyone. this is a boring entry, not to be read.... hope the new layout is good....
*YumiKo, cant believe the like the hell ugly purple one. incase u duno wad i talking abt, check the archives for last month's to look at the old layout. hell ugly. so purple. haha.*

* KaWaii EcHiZeN RyOma *

2005-01-06T20:29:00.000+08:00

c lahz... haiz. i gotta swallow up all my words again...................... stupid. baka ne! heehee. MI doesnt really sux. juz tat now ppl all open up le......so better le lohz. still kinda missed everyone here i know at CTSS. missed them ALL! the sch is still small thou. so....ya. taking phy chem n maths 9233. haha. with chi n GP. n.... cant remember wad. hopefully can go JC n take econs too. haiz..... but, one thing remains, not everyone is very nice lohz. =( haha. ok lahz. my OG not bad now. quite talkative le. me gang contains 7 diff schs one. coolz rite. =P *shows off* haha. we laugh n joke n talk non-stop. now got the class thing gotta split. stupid, wad orientation grp for then. RITE???? haiz. stupid. BAKA nE! cant blame ba. bt the first three days was ok. now, fun's over. tml got P.E. duno how bad is it. but i think it is TERRIBLE. YARO! lectures started. kinda boring. fell asleep for almost everything. GP cher nv come in lohz. we all wait so long. wad else...... jap is like on hold now. i cant get anything in.

oh, speaking of jap. i in hols EVERYDAY watch POT. now gotta stop. no tv till fri. haiz. sad. but..... I MISS IT SO MUCH! i cant STAND NOT WATCHING IT. it feels so wierd. haiz. but sat coming le. so not so bad... TML's FRI. can watch INUYASHA! haha. POOR PEEPS who watch on arts central. they stop broadcasting le. =Pp. heehee... nvm lahz. hor. shirimasen desu................

hmmmmm....... last but no least, how can i forget my DARLING FUJI????????????? huh huh???? rite. so here is the ochibi version down below. SO CUTE!!!!! Kagoii...... oh.................... n i cant wait to meet with LESSY again!!!!! YEA. next WEEK!!!!!! YEA YEA YEA~!! haha. kk..... gtg le......... Oyasumi Nasai!

* FuJi SyUsuKE RoX *

2005-01-03T19:20:00.000+08:00

haiz....... i duno wad to say... so dun ask lahz.. juz tat like now is so MISERABLE. its no fun at all. currently at MI. its small n all. with loads of peeps. i HATE THE SCHOOL!!!!!! YARO! :@ i cant stand the people there. i duno how i'm gona survive my first three months. ITS SO HORRIBLE. the people there for the 3 months sux. not the seniors. haiz. so ah lianz, then later so................................ BITHCY. haiz... of cos not all lahz. mayb i judge too hastily le. but.... i dun like it lohz. haiz. maybe in time it'll be better. i duno. now i'm tired with a headache n wanna go n sit down n learn jap. then tml morning wake up then think somemore.

haiz.. i got so miserable that after sch at 4.47, i IMMEDIATELY CALLED LES. haiz. she smsed me. so sweet rite..... but then, i didnt c it. their rules for HP so strict. so, i only saw it at 4.47. hmmm.... wanted to reply sms, but end up calling her. talk to her all the way back home alone. unless u count nicholas who took the same bus with me lahz. it was nice to hear her voice again lohz.... so sweet....... =) haiz....................... haha. shit. she gonna kill me le. =P haha. maybe tat personality test was rite, we r soul mates. =Pp. hmmmmmmm....... really nothing much lahz. will update more later when i m used to sch life.

SarYonArA... Jaa Matte!!!! itte kimasu! O-genki de....!!!!!!!! haha.

* Otori Choutarou n Shishido Ryou (san) KawaIi!*

2005-01-02T14:03:00.000+08:00

2004-12-19T13:06:00.000+08:00

heehee... KoNniChiWa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how long has it been? i duno. but i got posted to MI. hmmm.. sci stream. kinda ok with me. i juz hope to do better in my O's. but i kinda dun feel nice abt it. cos i'll b leaving alot of peeps behind. or shld i say, they will all be leaving me bhind. its kinda sad bah. but maybe i will make new friends or meet old ones ya. from wad i c, alot of them r going PJC n JJC. well, i mean, hey, they r damn lucky. overall, i hope to go PJC next year. but the more i think abt it, the more worried i feel. cos i duno wad to expect. i dun think i'll do tat well to make it to a JC. haiz.......... :'( ya. tats tat i guess. juz gotta put it all bhind. my dad didnt say much. i mean, wad can he do now rite? so..... my mom say i didnt put in my best in for my o's. say i waste alot of time. mayb i did. but cant change facts now.

well. nth much's new. haha. juz tat i cant dl POT anymore. ITS ILLEGAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEA!!!!!!!!!!! haha. need to get the vcd or dvd. ask my relatives from HK to send them over, or buy when i go over next year. haiz. its so interesting tat show. got me at my edge. heehee. wad else..................................................... ya, me n my "les" (she'll kill me if she sees this) elwen is getting nuts over all their moves n their funny language.

a happier thing is tat, well, I'M LEARNING JAP!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha. at least on my own. my mom say no point going lessons. cos its like..... next year'll be bz. if i go poly i can attend the jap lessons there lohz. heehee. if not, then i'll juz go myself sometime next year. hiragana isnt tat tough to write. but the memorising can be a killer. cos its so many stuff... haiz. i cant even began to imagine kanji!!!! omg. i think i'll give up, like chi. well. wad can i say. i'm trying to read chi books. cos i m running short of eng ones. =P i love jap. haiz. but their grammer is hard to catch. =( *gambatte*

wad else???? oh............... only two more weeks of Hols left.. must make use to the fullest.. YES!!!!!! wow.... i'm long-winded as usual. haha. k. i'll stop here..... i cant remember wads good bye. hmmmmm... i'll go check it out. kk. CIAO!

* HyoTei Rox OnLy Cos Of TheM *

2004-11-30T20:45:00.000+08:00

For starters i know i have not been updating much since after prelims.... due to preparation for my O's. but here i m after all. =) so cool ritez. haha. i dun really think much abt my o's now. cos its like i dun wanna know the results. haiz.... horrible. currently being chased by my mom for using the com how cool is that. =Pp. anywayz. i know i should be broadcastin GREAT news. cos its like EXAMS ARE OVER. but ya. i nv bring good news. juz negative stuff cos i think too much. i tht i got over it. but. looks like i'm still stuck to my pessimistic self. u cant change much u know.

my parents obviously not supporting me learning jap. i duno. juz so.. angry! cos i have been planning to learn it since duno when. but due to O's didnt mention it. now i did.. n they say next year new sch n all... no time one. c.... people r always so bz. even to juz do something they like. its not a wonder y people do not even know how their neighbours look like. haiz.... i mean if i dun learn now, or do things i like.. WHEN WILL I BE ABLE TO DO IT????? WHEN I M IN MY COFFIN?????? really...... n.... no one thinks for themselves when they r young.. not me at least. decision all not mine. haiz... working is out of the qn. parents get so stuffy when all they can think abt is u working at Mac. honestly, there are a hell lot of part time jobs out there. i keep thinking how painful it is to c one of my dreams being shattered juz like that. cos my parents refuse to let u go do something that u love. haiz. i duno. i know i m being self-centered and all... bt hey, wads a diary for but to pity urself????? rite. now i keep thinking. with one of my goals down, will all my other dreams disappear too?? like being a lawyer? going to uni, getting rich, marry happily........ a setback in life. minor n stupid. but its impact is still present.

hmmmm...... prince of tennis is my latest craze. i know. i keep changing targets. but gundam seems so depressing next to POT. yuppyz. so much more life n humour in this one. =)

tml need to go get stuff for the BBQ. haiz. i hope the event will be successful... n... on thurs.... the BIG day. =)

* TeZuKA!!!! (left) my BELOVED FUJI!!!!!!!(right) *

2004-10-24T15:41:00.000+08:00

i decided to do away with the last post... haha. so i'm writing in a new one.... *tada* =P okok. i'm being lame again. i should be doing eng right now which is supposed to be handed n by tml. howeva.... i wanted to check whether got other hmwk or not. so i got distracted lahz. =(

its starting to get a little more hectic now. with the exams nearing. chem prac was ok. juz a little careless i think. haiz. i dun wanna live with regrets. the thing is that i wun be cing the paper anymore~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is it good or bad??? i duno lehz. hmmmmm.... i'll think abt that after the exams... can u blieve it? its all ending after 4 weeks..... haiz. i duno lahz.

aint he cute or wad

2004-10-14T23:40:00.000+08:00

haiz... got all my results back le. know, it sucks yea, but.. still...... ya. cant blame anyone but myself rite. i mean like y people do so well, but i m like shit. ya..... n i did study for it. i think if O's i get this shitty result, i'll kill myself. honestly, i m now studying like i have nv studied b4. if u ask me y m i still.... er......... down here updating. tts cos its eleven something le. tml still got History mock test. n juz change monitor, so feel so giddy.either its the colour, or the radiation. feel so faint n wanna vomit lohz. haiz......... hmmmm.... ok. ya. do like alot of rubbish have been going on. looks like i gotta go MI le for one thing. n also with my lousy grade of lets say, 22...... wad can i do????? i mean pls lohz.... people getting average 14. i really sux. something i totally regret is my chi. ppl getting A1s a big advantage to my C6 right. oh ya. the biggest news..... i got last in class.... haha. now i know how it feels. i guess diff people feel diff. now.... i feel really inferior. how much more must i work to be where the class is right now. is it only me... or m i really tt dumb. haiz. n my chem needs a whole lot of improvement. current stragtegy is to study in school. is kinda helping, cos got motivation to work. not like usually lohz. hmmmmmmmm.......... at least i dun sleep in the aft. training myself. not bad lahz. i hope O's will be much better for me. n i of cos hope i will be able to live my dream of being a lawyer. yuppyz. competition damn big, but i will do it.... no, i must............ ~!!!!!! YEA~! k
think i better go sleep b4 i faint le.

2004-10-10T17:31:00.000+08:00

haiz..... prelim results all out le....... n i did like crap..... haiz...... lately so many things r going hay-wired..... haha. now i currently staying back in school to study. of cos its kinda workin cos make me study wad. of cos working rite. sad thing is i cant stay up late to work cos by then i'll be brain dead n my body not functioning anymore le. so........ c....................... ya. tts my current situation lahz. but...... always look on the bright side, once all this crappy O's is over, i will be free...... no promises of lots of TV n music n computer, but at least i got LOTSA BOOKS~!!!!!!! haha. aint tt great? yea............ now i dun even know where i wanna head after all these. i mean.. i get so much pressure from my own expectationa tt i m so afraid of failure of not meeting them. so...... I NEED HELP~! oh ya, n for next year 3 months? i will most prob make it to MI. haiz..... my L1R5 like shit lohz. haiyo. i duno lahz. my parents all so angry n upset. even my sis. say i did worse than her.... my dad say i not studying, only play n play n play. wTt lohz.... i mean....... haiz. i did study rite. maybe not like my sis till 2am. but still. i cant survive. till 12 already wanna peng san... haiz. keep sighing for so long le. now wanna sigh again....................... HAIZ............................................................ heehee. yuppyz....

i think i got nth to say le. cos really nth much going on besides studying. which i dun feel like doing right now cos brain not functioning le. so. i will update u later on all the impt stuff on studies n all. k... till next time then... CIAO~!

2004-10-02T01:18:00.000+08:00

I'm graduating?~! I cant believe it lohz. even after so long i told myself, i should be happy to leave, but i m not.... i cant even bear to think of myself not coming to CTSS anymore... haha.... i gonna miss a million people too....... those tt i have been seeing all my life....... n those good frends tt i have made along the way in my long journey..... =( i'm gona miss u all.......

LiSt:
Elwen, Celairwen, BROS, Ah boi, Granny, Cookie Monster, Raintree, Shit, Darling, Sital, Fiona, Hui Yun haha.... goes on n on.. Drasnia, Jon, Wei bin, wei hao..... haha..... n more...... haiz. so sad sia.... i will also miss all those wonderful teachers, those days i get mad at the juniors in choir, those great performances with Mr Lai.
i wanna thank all those people out there who made me who i m right now... i couldnt have been myself without u. if time had gone back, i would not have wanted my life to be diff, except for a few cases.... n if i eve made anyone out there mad at me cos of my..... blurness of my frankness, or even my stupid nature... SORRI~! the good news is tt u dun have to bare with it anymore. the sad news is tt i will MISS U GUYS!~!
i still cant imagine.... in 2 months from now, i will not c any of u anymore.... so sad... =( haiz. a new chapter in my life.

enough of sadness.... the good stuff. ok. lets c.... today was Grad Day, where the sch gives us our blessings for our O's. i must say i didnt do well for my prelims. bt wadeva, i will work harder till i die from exhaustion if need be. haha. the performances were great, esp the teachers skit... i really like their good humour n all... the chers all look so CUTE~!. haha. n Lunacy wasnt bad, except tt they sang out of tune. but their background was GREAT~!.

we had a down memory lane thing... haiz, i feel so sad lohz, after watching it..... ='( >today very sad sia =P<>
the next nice part, we performed the batch songs.... it was great fun. althought it was a little out of tune and all.......... but...... overall, i felt really good tt the people actually bothered to stand up and sing along..... esp granny... haha. really happy. =P thanks alot...... after the whole thing, i felt like... wow..... high......... ;)
this year's alot of sadness n farewells.... but i hope no matter wad, we will still keep in touch n tt hopefully, we will be together again one day............

2004-09-28T20:38:00.000+08:00

Morirﾃｩ Jﾃｳvenes...

2004-09-10T15:15:00.000+08:00

ok.... been so long since i last updated... lolx. ya. so in this almost 2 months tt i haven updated, quite a few things have happened. for example, the term 3 exams r over n now its off to term 4.. PRELIMS~!!!!!!!!!!! i cant say tt i m well prepared thou. like wad my mom says, i'm so lazy......... n.... so easily distracted. haha. well, tts the acadamic side of the story which i m sure no one wans to hear.

next, its the friendship part. alot of things have been happening tt cannot be prevented.those who know me will know wad. i dun think i wanna mention it here. i fact i hope no one will eva mention it. of cos i cant control ur mouth. but my main aim to forget abt it asap. haiz.... it is something tt has been building up. i m sure the other side feels it too. mayb even more.

within this month, i managed to uncover my old friends. there's Rei, elsa... and also...... Kelvin~! haha. tt partner of mine. okok. stop babbling. =P after duno how long, he finally managed to reply my message on friendster. haha. cool rite. Rei is now staying near clementi. hope to meet her one day. elsa, met her twice. to return her some scripts. she still looks the same to me. she keep exclaiming tt i so tall... haha.
ps, she hasnt grown much taller..... =P

oh... n tonight, gonna go esplanade to watch SSO. haha..... kk..... gonna be quite fun i think.....
phew.... after so long can still write till like tt... well, to all those readin this, good luck for ur prelims~! and til the next time..... i write.... which is i duno when..... haha...... CYA.... NaMaRiE~!!

2004-07-15T20:29:00.000+08:00

OKAy.... point is i haven been online much now, cos of all these studying. i didnt know people actually come n visit this site in the first place.. so i didnt bother to change anything.... but since there R people out there who do.. i decided to come back today, right after my last paper for term 3 to crap n update this thing. haha

right... for a start, if u ask me how many subjects do u think u can pass for ur term 3? lets c... i can count it within one hand.....
i will say.... maybe juz one????? haha..... enough of tt.. when mon comes, its eng "assignment" le.... so sianz lohz...

SHIT~!!!! i juz say sianz.... means i must go study... my rule. when i say sianz i must go study to remove it. its a way to make me not even feel it... haha.. but hack. who cares... gonna ignore it for one day, to enjoy the night.... so cooling today

went to choir juz now... i mean the altos arent tt bad lahz. juz tt maybe they r abit.. not so sure of themselves.. n they juz feel very "sianz" during sessionals. i m sure they will do well for SYF next year. for one, we got such a good conductor lohz.hahaha. and i can c they r making real good progress since "wong" left us. yea. so.... lots of hope lahz...

ok, another thing to note.. "GUNDAM SEED ROX" hahaha.... yuppyz. its like the best... i mean compared to other series i think its like... nice.... hahaa... the lead characters all cute cute one.... not cute. its HANDSOME~! hahaha.. Athrun is like my dream guy lohz. top of the list. next would be Dearka. they both so sweet. nice characters.... i tell people abt them, they all say i nuts... fall for an anime. haha. guess i m wierd lahz hor.
i m rather shocked myself.... i seldom like really find someone so close to the guy of my dreams b4. i think cos he's like perfect to me.. haha. next time if u got a chance, go catch it lahz... its damn nice.
oh ya... i said i jealous of the Athrun's gal. then Alex say i mad.... wa lao.. haiz. get jealous of a cartoon. =) =P haha....

hmmmmm..... wow..... seems like i write alot le. cos i guess juz too many things to say in one month. suddenly all come out... these r the latest happenings i guess.. duno when i can come online again n write another crappier one. lately, i haven been thinking n reflecting, so i cant write like my feelings or thoughts in this one... juz the outter layer of it all... hope it goes. okay. think i need to go now.... maybe update the layout..... =)

2004-06-04T18:46:00.000+08:00

ITS ALREADY JUNE~!!!! haiz..... so sianz le... haven even major started to holidays n i feel so bored stiff le. haiz. lately lets c. WL lend me Gundam to watch. its damn nice. haha. i got addicted. so... guess its good? bt i keep neglecting my hmwk. i duno y. bt i juz dun feel like doing anymore. i feel that like hmwk. sianz le. then nv do at all. newly nth much have really been happening... everything going rather smoothly. tts wad really scaring me off. cos after a very nice n peaceful period, its time for a NOT so peaceful n happy period, where everything goes haywired... i really duno le. now i trying to look our for anything upsetting... bt found none. guess i shldnt complain n appreciate it more, cos when it really goes, then maybe i shld start crying then... hahaha. lets laugh more n stay happy now. no one knows what will happen in the near future..... so....

hmmmmmmmmmmm.......... well, i found out tt even as humans we can live n survive alone. we dun really have to have luv to survive, cos i haven had it for like..... 1 month? haha. so guess its a good thing. nth to keep my back or make me make a wrong decision or even keep me from thinking straight n all.. haiz. its so nice to feel so free and all, cos i feel so erm... relaxed n on my own, dun have to worry abt so many of the other things in life, cos i only live for myself. guess it is kinda selfish, howeva, i think its so..... natural, n i kinda like being like tt.

i guess as humans, we all love to do all the wrong things. "never trust your heart, cos ur heart is treacherous". hmmmmm........ sometimes, or shld i say many times in life, we juz wanna follow our hearts, our feelings... bt i know its the worst thing to do. its proven cos... c. now i dun feel any stress with love n feelings anymore. all u gotta learn is to let go n give up on all those.... unneccessary things. many times, we just try to feel the best we can. howeva, its tough. in life, is always like tt. i juz hope tt i gotta will to overcome it. its a decision of happiness or depression. of cos its happiness rite???? so... i tink tt we have to overcome all our problems n try nt to do wad we feel so much n we will be the happiest people on earth~! yuppyz.

guess...... tts really long enough... haiz. always like, when i start thinking n start typing, i will go on n on n on n on.... crapping all the way. u dun have to understand this blog... u dun even have to read it... hahaha. its rubbish... well, bt since u got till here..... it shows tt u did read it. CoOLz... haha.

2004-06-02T22:27:00.000+08:00

heehee.... thankyou for so many erm.... response... lolx. lately..... =P. okay. CHI O'S over le. then still got term 3 to go..... now in june hols like not hols like tt. everyday go sch so early....i really waiting the week where everyday can sleep till 10 in the morning... tt will be the day man~!
yup... i guess now is suddenly one of those happy times~! cos its like everyday juz feel like lagging... then go out like crazy, laugh n talk like mad those kinda days. but gonna bia all the way next week... sianz le. hmm.... wad else... nothing much been happening, juz that sometimes feel abit wierd n think myself hopeless and all, cos its like alot of things to do, then nv do. no motivation like tt. haiz. duno wad to do le.

shld be all lahz... BB

2004-05-28T18:37:00.000+08:00

heehee... seems so long since i last post.... however.... i feel like i just gotta mention this.... MONDAY IS CHI O'LevEL...... haiz... haha. how cool can this be lohz???? heehee... anywayz, got this cme project to do. sianz..... yup... guess i gonna pick up elvish again... hahaha... really wanna thank alot of people for helping me come this far... n in elven, its Hannad~!!!!!!!!... haha.. to my lovely "granny". u rock the world man.... will always remember u...

2004-05-10T16:59:00.000+08:00

think i having mood swing or something. suddenly can get so depressed n cry. haiz. duno wads happening to me. after i think of the past i start crying. cos i feel so disppointed. i nv really forget. all i did was juz put it behind me. somewhere at the end of my brain... pulling me down without me knowing what it was. its so scary, cos such feelings could mean so much n do so many things to u. i know y i didnt think so much lately. cos i was afraid of what i would think of. i was so scared... of him...of self-pity, of the hurt. i was so disappinted... with everything. if he wanted to make me feel guilty, he succeeded. cos i feel tt i didnt put in enough effort to support our friendship. bt i hope that the more i think abt it, the more i will let go. most imptly, i think i so disappointed, is i care n show so much concern for him bt wad did he return? he juz left me, shoo me away when he found his happiness... wads this... i duno anymore. i feel so sad. its wad i get, not even a hi anymore... juz so disappointed. maybe tts y i didnt let go. but i know no matter wad, i will still be there for him, his shadow, his support when he needs it... wad can i do rite? =). haiz.,

2004-05-03T17:25:00.000+08:00

haiz... so long since i last updated.... i feel as though i cant type anymore... lolx. jk. okay.... the thing is tt i m now... 16 le. =P so cool rite. i mean how many times a year can u be 16? bt of cos i will miss being 15 as this means tt i will be a year older... =(
okay..... so lately nth much been happening lohz. juz this n tat. the same few stuff. ya... sometimes i feel that when u getto know someone for a very long time, u will juz get sick of the person as u c their weak points more than their strengths. if u get wad i mean... bt its not always the case. sometimes u get to know someone... u juz get closer n closer. to have frends is to have patience n understanding... one friend i really admire is my granny... lolx. really rox. can bear with me =P okay... ya

o's coming this sat... prelims. so scared bt yet dun feel like doing.. haiz.... jiayou ba~!

2004-04-22T21:15:00.000+08:00

u know, friends rite... wad r they for??? u tell me.... to me i feel that its to give people happiness... u agree? ya. bt lately i duno feel happy. i know ppl r all selfish, so wad can i say rite. howeva... i dun like it when ppl gain their happiness and then they forget abt all those who still cares for them. maybe i m a selfish n possessive person. bt what can i do. n do u call yourself a frend if u cant even share ur happiness with others, more less sadness.............................

i cant stand this feeling of loneliness... where u feel tt people do not need u anymore. i duno wad to do, wad to think. now.... i feel so full... so many things inside tt i do not say, so difficult to keep in, so difficult to comprehend... i need help. bt who is there???? how can i share all these problems n not burden them with my complains....

n i dun have any special feelings for xm... maybe being possessive yes. bt nothing more than tt. i juz dun. the feeling nt there... maybe the gal he likes would be lucky. bt i will make sure it is not me falling for him cos.... if u know him u will understand...

i duno wad to do. i m juz glad tt i have this one frend whose always there for me... wad can i say, thanks alot Granny.... owe u a big favour... thanks alot...

2004-04-14T18:10:00.000+08:00

when u r having a fight... n both sides are mad at each other, do u know wad to do... u juz dun wanna keep on going. fights r supposed to get closer... bt end up apart. juz shut up... tts the solution. wad next? the person wld juz keep going on n on abt how he/she feels and tok n tok n tok. dun interrupt, juz let the person speak. n hear the person out. when they r done... they will feel so much better that when they tok next, u can almost hear a sigh of relieve. its much better to juz let the person talk then to try n argue. its not to be correct. it is to be understanding. try to understand why people would feel this way.

the sad thing is that... the person may nt treat u the same way n let u release... but no one is the same i guess, n they will nv learn to understand u till they start listening to u. maybe its true tt if the person is so selfish n doesnt wanna listen to u, u will feel angry n irritated... but, for ur good frends, their happiness is all that counts rite? so u would go to the ends of the earth, do wadeva in ur power to help them when they need u. n juz now... psychologically, they do. so give them tt support by juz listening to them. it would be alot better for everyone.

cos i experience b4 tts y i know rite??????? hahaha.... but its true lahz. a true frend n one tt we shld always appreciate is tt no matter wad happens, no matter how mad or angry or irritated the person gets, they will always be there by u. never leaving u. learn to understand n appreciate u. accept u for who u r. try to correct ur faults. hope tt u will get the best in life. pray that u r well. try to go thru every moment with u. keep in touch with u no matter wad. tts a true frend which i think everyone tries to be.

-its easy to feel sorry, but its hard even to juz mouth the word-

2004-04-13T21:24:00.000+08:00

today got back CAP2. i told u one day happy the next would be sad... know wad happen? well..... cos i did badly..... failed in fact. yup. i told myself i wun fail anymore le. not after last year... self disappointment. i knew i was gonna fail i guess. ha. duno y broke down......... hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......... self disappointment?????? guess i always want to do better. haiz. its like tt... maybe i can try harder next time.

i guess... if she had said like ur story sux... i mean i gotta agree with tt... cliche and all. but.... no... she said.... ur grammar bad. spelling bad... so many mistakes, how to pass u. the way she say till like passing me very tough like tt.haiz.... update later. gotta do compo.

2004-04-09T22:03:00.000+08:00

todae went sentosa... lolx. so cool lohz. only got a burnt on my face.....haiz. sad la. then went harbour there saw 2 sailors from Superstar virgo. they docked there in the afternoon. then at nite they leaving again..... the taller one with the spikey hairdo so cute lohz =P. i really mean it. hahaha..... then got a nice eng accent too~!!!!!!! hahaha. sad lahz... nothing much bt tt lots of hmwk....... CYA

2004-04-05T19:23:00.000+08:00

=) stuff in my head clearing le. i getting more n more STUPID like lame. =P yah. n i think by telling other people stuff make me less worried n i tend to think lesser on the problems. tts y now i like more LAG N CAREFREE~ cool ritez... hahaha.. =P think i going nuts le. must be too much coffee. make me feel high le. duno wad to say le. cos too happy... BB!~

2004-04-02T20:32:00.000+08:00

i duno wads been happening lately... its like i have been updating my diary more often. there r juz some things i cant share with ppl. bt there is one entry i wanna share one day.
ppl were right. i found the solution to my problem. it isnt any big thing. bt i made it big. cos i refuse to c the fact. yea. so. now, after admitting to myself my faults n wrongdoings. i feel more carefree n relaxed and let go. cos there is nothing to hang on to anymore. at least nth worth holding on to. its such a waste of time. many things can be done.

2004-03-27T15:58:00.000+08:00

haiz.... nothing much.. juz tt bored n hmwk n bored n hmwk... n tests n remedials n test n remedials....... yah.... sianz rite..... =P life is a cycle mahz... gotta live with it......

2004-03-24T15:48:00.000+08:00

haiz..... have u heard of SIANZ b4???? duno y. lately alot of mood swings have been happening. i mean. i noe i m irritating. bt if u dun tell me in wad way, how m i gona change rite??????? well. that;s juz one of the probs. anywayz. i always believe tt no matter how angry u r. sometimes, u shld still give way. forgive n forget. i know its hard. cos when i angry i also like tt.... bt.. wad to do... life is like tt one. we mustnt regret rite???? we give in some, we loose some. if it benefits u to be angry, n it makes u feel better that the person u angry with dun give a damn. then go ahead n have a grudge. dun waste time n effort on something tt no one appreciates. get on with life. its the fact. everyone goes thru it. juz how they handle it. n lastly, dun take things for granted. most of all people. its those who u care least care for u most. u can care for someone. bt the person may nt feel the same. so.... sometimes, we gotta open our eyes more n understand others. its the sad truth...

2004-03-19T17:31:00.000+08:00

haiz... lately alot of bad things have been happening. i SPRAINED my ankle.. damn painful. so next time ppl, dun be so clumsy like me, u only suffer... anywayz, i think its retribution. i dun care anymore. life must go on. i too tried to fight ppl anymore. they get mad, they get upset, they do things i dun like, i dun think i can take it le. so i gonna juz let them be. ppl dun like to be held back. so i gonna give it to them. when everything u have slips from u... ur world is gone. n u die. cos there is nth to live for anymore... in a matter of time, i m gonna die too....

2004-03-16T18:59:00.000+08:00

Dearest Elwen,

first things first b4 forgt... thankyou HX (my twin soul) for being such a good friend n remind me that friendship is very impt... i really treasure it. thus i take it very seriously. i know i will definitely regret it. but sometimes i just get too frustrated n juz give up. thankyou for your wonderful support. n u know wad... i wun say sorri.... =) thanks all the same...

yours,
ur other half

never say things you dont mean, for u would only hurt the person by letting the person loose hope n confidence in u. dun make empty promises for people will nt trust you. dun base ur happiness on other ppl's sadness for u will only feel guilty n miserable, unless u dun have a conscience. its the small things that matters. not the big ones. its the small initiative tt people take for granted. bt without all these, ppl will then appreciate u. dun give up hope when u feel down. dun give up your life when u have one. think: is tt one thing or one person really worth your life? izzit tt priceless?? i dun think so rite. sp dun. learn not to take people for granted. its those whom u neglect tt really care. ppl do things unknowingly but we gotta learn to forgive n forget. if nt, our life would be full of pain n sorrow. learn to let go n give up if it only hurt both sides. wad for go for something tt cant happen... its a waste of time when u can be happier else where. happiness appears in diff forms, more than love. it can be frends, family, leisure, music and school itself. balance urself so tt if one fails, u have others to turn to to feel happy...

learn to balance ur life... dun feel miserable when ur world collapse...

2004-03-15T21:29:00.000+08:00

y.... y r u always trying to prove to urself.... y... y r u making me say things tt i dun wan to unless being forced... y... y r u making urself suffer... mayb i m juz selfish.... maybe my life was nt meant to cross urs.... y.... y r u doing this to me... y.. y r u adding to me problems.... y... y is it tt i care so much abt u n u dun give a damn... dun tell urself tt u r. look deep into urself n u will know tt u do nt... y... y r u hiding the truth from me... y... y did u change so much... y.. y cant u be the old person i love... y... y is life so cruel... y.... oh y... juz becos i m not wad u expect...

2004-03-15T21:10:00.000+08:00

b4 i forget. HX. if u r reading this.... Sorcha shld have married Simon. n ur description of the brothers r so ACCURATE. i cant do a better job. =)

okay. today. not good day. y? cos i having a fever n a bad sore throat. must be the toast i had yesterday with choc spread. so if i m not in sch tml then means i damn sick le. =P got mc mahz. must not waste... hahhaha... c first lahz.

anywayz, i damn pissed. so pissed tt my mom say my face so red due to the fever.... haiz.. i cant believe i even shed a few precious tears for tt guy...... :@ he dun deserve it... to him, love is the most impt thing in his life. its nt jealousy. its juz tt its taking him all up. to him it mayb worth it. n he mayb happy n all. bt.... to me i think its a waste of time. its nt tt i wan him away from her. its juz tt she is killing him. haiz. they say love hurts. n i agree. sometimes we let ourselves be stubborn, forget all things, juz to prove to ourselves tt we r really stubborn. he is one of them. duno how to appreciate. its those ppl tt u neglect tt really cares for u. i dun think i wanna care anymore. sometimes, or shld i say, many times, i get this feeling to ask him to go ask her to be her sis lahz. i dun think i mean tt much lohz. no compassion. i can bet my soul on it tt if i were to die like now, he would be... "oh really... okay.... no big deal.... hahaha... k... i got sunburnt" i think i damn hurt. cos i always care n show concern for him. yet.... he dun give a damn. well, know wad. i HATE PPL WHO DUN GIVE A DAMN ABT MY EFFORTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so. if u eva read this. which i highly doubt u will, cos u too busy with our own life, too caught up with urself, too selfish to even read my blog anymore. i cant take this le. u changed too much. n u dun even know how much. i admit i change too. bt i wun let love make me give up on wad really matters to me. my frends. they will be there for me when things go bad, whereas ur lover can juz dump u. to u its all worth the effort. u believe in going for it. i think u r juz being dumb. i dun c this happening in the past. y u suddenly start going so crazy n chasing her like siao. y r u ruining ur life? huh?!!! i dun give a shit of ur reason. maybe it would be best if i dun eva call u gor again or something.... maybe we shld juz end our friendship. i cant stand this anymore le... n u know wad.... U SUX. u made me worried n all.... bt u dun even GIVE A DAMN!

I HATE U. N I DUN GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOUR LIFE ANYMORE COS U DUN GIVE A DAMN ABOUT MINE. ALL U HAVE BEEN DOING IS SILENTLY TRYING TO DRIVE ME AWAY. N I HATE IT. I BET U FORGOT WAD ITS LIKE TO FEEL LONELY. U R TOO CAUGHT UP IN YOUR "LOVE". I DUN THINK U DESERVE MUCH IN LIFE...

"dont base your love on other people's sadness.... because u will only feel upset n guilty. unless u have no conscience or u r juz plain SELFISH..."

2004-03-14T20:57:00.000+08:00

okay...... lately i have been really pissed off.. i duno y bt my temper coming back to me. i tht i let go of it a long time ago le. who knows. now its back.... do u know... i really hate ppl who dun give a damn.... haiz. duno wad happening to me le... i getting really mad n tired easily. could be stress... could be...... many things...

2004-03-09T15:46:00.000+08:00

its been quite a while since i last updated... bt juz didnt have the time. my life now is filled with remedials, sch, hmwk, n studies...... its quite fun once in a while. bt... nt always. anwayx, tml got the discus.... i duno y i going. i cant even throw! hahaha..... wrong choice of people manz.... sometimes or shld i say many a times, ppl take others for granted. its like this. we piss ppl off, we piss ourselves bt we do not appreciate others. well, life keeps spinning in its endless circle.... nth new to write abt. juz feel like typing. gotta do report on PI.... gotta find time le.... recently, engrossed with playing Yu Jian. rather nice song. bt.... gonna perfect it! =) well..... gonna update again... hopefully soon....

2004-03-03T21:29:00.000+08:00

i duno y. bt its not competitiveness. its more of like.... i duno. hatred? its sort of like, i m better than u. i shld be doin this n not u.. so y r u here. u dun deserve this.... well. maybe i dun, and maybe she can do a better job than me. bt rite now. i have to do wad i have to do. so.... mayb next time.. bt not now. well, i duno wad to say. i juz feel this friction tt dun seem to be wanted removed...

2004-03-02T19:06:00.000+08:00

today.... hmm.... didnt go for bio remedial. instead had a long lunch with the guys and cher n hazel... hahaha... i duno y... i seem to keep asking dumb qns.. or so it seems. cos dasen having a prawn in his mouth. i asked him wads tt he eating. he told me prawn... then i pointed to the bowl and asked him wads tt. he gave me tt -.-||| look and said... Prawn noodles.......... hahaha... i mean how was i supposed to know. i mean, there r so many noodles tt contain prawns n it may nt be prawn noodles rite????? hahaha.... then cher went on to say abt the "how do u prepare for maths test thingy..." i mean i ans all the materials u gotta bring.... hahaa... how was i to know she meant wad i did?! honestly, everytime u say prepare for a lesson, it means tt u gtta get ready for the lesson rite??? hahaha.... okay. maybe i m stupid... n dasen commented tt i think too much le... well, he not the first one. =P

after lunch, saw my gor with clara. know wad, cos over "lunch" we toked abt him too. then they say wad me n him, i also duno wad lahz. hahaha.... i couldnt catch the conversation.... then later dasen was like... Szeki, dun panick, calm down. hahaha. Cheryl toking to him now, dun be mad, dun be angry... wah laoz..... hahaha.... its damn lame lohz. u gotta be there to get the atmosphere. all of us were laughing like crazy.... =P

then gx n dasen were like hey, ur gor taking train, go take train too, we all also taking train... can tok mahz... hahaha... bt cos i didnt lahz. who will lohz. sure die. cos me only girl there, hx takes bus, if i take train, cher will take bus too. so i took 99 n cher took it with me lohz... hahaha.. damn stupid lahz.... but i duno maybe its good to be crazy once in a while... =)

2004-02-29T19:12:00.000+08:00

y cant u just be there n not disappoint me when i need u most........ haiz...... y is it always like this.... when the trust builds up, u spoils it all... maybe is me... cos of my jealousy....

2004-02-29T18:29:00.000+08:00

yesterday went to watch a SYC concert with close buds. was a really nice experience...
tdy, wasnt tt good.... i duno how to say wad i feel nw. lately, alot of things have been happening. things tt i dun comprehend... alot of things, the facts i dun wanna face, bt it is there in frnt of me. its nt the fall, its the getting up... the humiliation. hearing things tt i dun wanna hear, seeing things i dun wanna see. and facing the fact i wanna leave behind. its the truth tt blinds the soul, tt leaves it in darkness. becos the truth is so powerful tt it can make a person loose his life, to die, to wilt... maybe my life is going thru this stage... not death, bt hurt. n not rejection or wad, juz the truth... haiz... if life was simpler n happier, where i can get wadeva i want, i think i would be spoilt bt.... happy... n tts all the counts. in life, all of us strive to keep alive n be HAPPY.... which i cant get... cos..... of let downs n disappointment.... maybe i shld i juz give up all... maybe i shldnt be disappointed at ppl... maybe i shld juz die....

2004-02-25T20:45:00.000+08:00

today is just another of those boring days. u just sit through lessons, do projects, try to survive in sch.... boring....

2004-02-24T17:42:00.000+08:00

sometimes, i duno wads the point of studying... u study bt dun do well, wads the point??????!!!!!! well, i gotta keep trying, or my mom will say i m not doing anything again......

2004-02-22T19:38:00.000+08:00

sunday... its like a countdown, to my doom...
anywayz, today went out. i duno y, bt felt so cold n faint. now, i feel so sick. i have flu, i think i contacting fever too! haiz... y of all times. i seldom get fever. oh... i started locking myself up and doing hmwk n revising. from 7-12 with occasional breaks. i didnt know locking urself up was so fun. n it makes it easier for u to concentrate. my mom kept budging in. she also say tt i shld nt listen to music while revising. howeva, i feel totally at ease with it. its nicer sounds than cars n train, since i stay so near the road. well, she is old fashion, so i cant blame her. she uses my short attention span as an excuse for not letting me listen to music. hmm.... well, i will try without any, n c if i can concentrate or nt.
now, i have competition to get used to. i mean, i dun mind competitions. it is nice aside from studying n hmwk.. =) so... lets start getting busy!

2004-02-21T21:22:00.000+08:00

Sat.... lets c... had sessionals... the altos r really doing better... when u say improving, it sounds as if u r better than them, cos IMPROVING is like... hey, i m up here, u r down there, so u gtta improve... if u say it abt urself, its alrite, bt if it is others, it may be quite sensitive... k.. i toking crap again...... BLEHx....anyway, i didnt go for my gor's competition... haiz, i know final means alot lahz, bt... priorities. now, my HP is gonna be confiscated while doing hmwk... totally no communication. and i can only use the com 1 hr a day... wad is this!!! omg.... haiz.. readapting.... its not so tough. bt sometimes, like when u need help in a qn, like MATHS DIFFERENTIATION~.... it can be kinda tough.... so..... try....... haiz... wish... me... good.... luck... in .... surviving...

2004-02-19T20:44:00.000+08:00

wad is the worst thing tt can happen... when two things tt r veri impt clash. at the same time. which comes first? ur gor, or ur cca???? hmmmmm...... tough choice... i m now caught in between... i think i try to make it for both lahz... i duno. somemore its she who ask me to have sessionals. n she going... i duno wad to make of all this lohz.... its like.. er...... :@.... HOW?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2004-02-18T17:54:00.000+08:00

i didnt go online yesterday... u know what happened??? my mom said.... NO PHONE CALLS AT ALL..... WT* lohz. i mean i not like got 10 calls a day or something... i cant even relieve my stress. haiz... no wonder life sux. so sianz. then must do the wad.. differentiation thingy... haiyo. so busy... life.... misery... terrible... sux... love... worse...friendship...mess... family... silence...books...none...

tts how my life is......

2004-02-16T20:31:00.000+08:00

if u were stuck with a qn of choice... between best friend and lover, which side will u go???

2004-02-16T19:09:00.000+08:00

i duno what to say... suddenly at a lost for words. all i know is that tml gonna have a quiz for the differtiation thingy, and i know NOTHING! haiz....... i m so hopeless sia.... wad to do? in life, if u dun catch up, u will be left behind foreva.... mood swings still happening. i get angry easily, get well after tt, haiz... one thing i really hope to do is to be able to hold a grudge. bt it is not in me to do it. howeva, i dun like ppl to hold grudges. it seems so unfair. i mean... depending on the situation. if it is like really affecting then i got nth to say. bt if not.... i think there shldnt be such stuff...

life doesnt change for u... u change for the life... tts how we work. tts y we work. n tts how we suffer...

2004-02-14T23:59:00.000+08:00

nth much happened today... its VALENTINE's DAY! =) a nice day n also a bad one... received prezzies from Sital n GX, YF... cool rite. cant believe i left them out of my list... the sad part is tt i had a long tok with my gor... haiz... about some stupid stuff... i think i was pissed off at tt time, tts y i got so fed up. he seems to know how to add salt to a wound. i duno.. y... but only him seems to be able to make me angry... hmm.... at least irritated easily. wierd...

2004-02-13T20:32:00.000+08:00

you have no idea how upset i am right now... i feel so terrible. sometimes, i juz feel like giving up in everything. i duno wad led me to this... i feel so miserable. maybe its juz self-pity. bt i feel like an idiot. i really duno wads stopping me from taking my life. i juz suddenly feel so terrible. its like a blow. i feel so tired and weak n lonely.... there is no one there for me, for me to lean upon, for me to follow, to guide me through all these troubled times... if u r out there, pls come find me... i will be willing... i feel like a wilting flower, preparing for death to come... i feel like an abused child, wiithout any knowledge of the happiness in the world, i feel like dying... sinking into the grave, where no one can hurt me or hunt me anymore, where there are no more troubles, where the world is at peace... i feel so rotten, so spoilt. indulging in self-pity. but its the truth. its wad i really feel. the inside of me. its like tt. a black world, where blackness is not the darkest thing in the world...

2004-02-13T19:26:00.000+08:00

which is happier? to c others happy or to find urself happy... i think to c others happy is more impt. when they r happy, and u r their true frends, u will feel happy for them. life is like tt. it moves in wierd and strange directions, beyond our human comprehension. in many ways, ur peers influence u. howeva, the wrong company leads to a bad life....

enough abt psychology... now... today's valentine's day eve... hahaha... got a few prezzies... cool rite. i dun always get gifts from people. i duno y, bt i feel bad tt i have been leaving out sital. i sort of owe her one. n i feel even worse when i gave cher one n not give her... it is terrible to feel left out and disappointed with ur frends. it is unimaginable. i cannt understand why i feel so diff from her. we always were diff, bt they seem more clearly cut now. haiz... wads happening to my sweet world... y izzit now rotton and bitter, where life is hard to take and accept. howeva, sometims i cant stand it wheneva she whines and complains. i mean i do tt too. it must be frustrating to those around me. i apologise. the way she keep wanting to seek the attention of the opposite sex, the way she tries to be more mature for her age, the way she acts around, the way she talks, the way she walks. sometimes, all these things get on my nerves... today, she said tt if she didnt get any mysterious gift from a guy it would be a record breaker... i find it so bitchy. i mean, u cant live without a present from a guy on valentine's day?! pls..... if so... i would have been dead by now. its one of those days where u shldnt piss me off, or u'll regret....

i duno y. differences do pull people apart...

2004-02-12T21:43:00.000+08:00

i duno y. maybe i am just crazy, or attention seeker. bt i have a wierd temperment. i get angry so easily. i duno y too... its a but scary sometimes, even to myself. life is such a misery. i cant believe that i loose control of myself so easily. i wish i had a better grip. i start getting mood swings nowadays. any ideas?!

2004-02-11T16:22:00.000+08:00

sms sia. hahaha.. till like 12 midnight... it was a nice experience, to be able to tok to him, and c our relationship in another sense. its like a whole new world.... =P no matter wad, he will always be my gor...... =)
his team made it to finals sia. hahaha..... =) i promised i will go support if i can.... c how lohz..... heehee. i feel so spirited.... lately. life is so full of love and fun. if only you can appreciate it...

2004-02-09T18:59:00.000+08:00

so sianz... i seem to tale my anger out on people now a days.. i dun always do tt. guess wad? hx cher n me learning elven together! so cool rite????!!!!!!! hahaha... okay. maybe some people dun think so.... =P well, too bad for them lohz, i still gonna learn lohz.... =) heehee... got blasted again for using the com. okay. so cant tok much. but i seem to c the need to go online at least once a day... haiz... nvm lahz. c how it goes lohz.....

2004-02-08T19:27:00.000+08:00

shit...... tml may have phy test... i haven study yet.... DAMN!!!!!! shit lahz. i juz dun feel like doing anything. how????

2004-02-07T21:25:00.000+08:00

arh!!!! wad am i doing!!!!!! i keep reading people's online diaries. like prying like tt... esp those people.... haiz.... i must stop. i only make myself more angry becos i will find out many things tt i duno. and dun wanna noe. i found out so many le...... now i cant take it all. i wanna say one thing. and tt is that i love people to take the initiative. without it, i find that u r a useless person. i always felt tt ur frends or those u love and mean most to u will be in your mind. therefore u would want to tell them all, share as many things with them as possible. obviously i try so hard and do things that i feel best for those i care, dun appreciate it. now tt i found out so many things... i know its their private life, i have no right to know, since i not their sis or mom or wadsoeva... but, its juz this feeling of betrayal, that seem so familiar n i hate. i tht it was all behind me. they make me feel so welcome, so happy, so cared for. bt behind, its juz a wall, to make me feel more comfortable and not so upsetting.... i want to cry right now.

BETRAYAL. have u felt this way before? huh? have u? do u know what it feels like to be pushed around, to be kept in the darK? to be lied to so as to cover up "mistakes" in my eyes.... there is no trust. how can u even start a friendship, more less a loving relationship. maybe i expect too much. i was thought, never to expect too much, but i anticipate. in return, they were right like always, people are out there to hurt u, not give u the best. becos they dun give a damn. all humans are selfish. how i wish he was here, to tok to me, make me laugh.... some people juz suck. n i dun always say they do. juz when they make me pissed and when i cant take the thts anymore.....

>sighs<
>dun take life for granted, there is more to life than waiting for death, appreciate your frends and loved ones in case u dun c them tml, or when u need them to be there, no matter how bad they are...<

2004-02-06T22:10:00.000+08:00

today went for the open house of NP... was damn crowded...=) lolx. okay tt not the part. the sch is nice huge n all with a 6 storey lib! =P okay..... but my dad say go Jc better, so i go JC lohz, easier to go U and then Miss Lau also say its like better. i juz needed someone to make the decision for me and that i needed someone to support me. bt i m afraid tt if i go JC, i will miss poly life, cos i like poly life. it seems more familiar since my sis is there now.....

2004-02-02T20:54:00.000+08:00

if i didnt have such close frends, i duno where would i be now.....

2004-02-02T15:00:00.000+08:00

lolx... it was a long one rite... well... rite now... i duno wad to think. juz tt i have alot of untouched hmwk. cos i too lazy to do them. they dun seem impt anymore. i duno y. my attitude's changed. izzit becos of influence??? have i given up on the world around me? i duno wad i want anymore... it suxs...

2004-02-01T20:26:00.000+08:00

okay.... i slept at 2am today morning. n woke up at 11am. i cant believe i m still this tired. my eyes keep closing n i feel so unfocused. i have a tendency to yawn too... i dont know why. stressed out with myself. okay... i got scolded from my mom on friday, thursday for toking too much on the phone, for using the com too often, for wasting too much of my time and that i should work harder so that i wun regret when my results come out. can i say something? i gave up on my studies... i dun feel the need to do it anymore. its more like doing it so tt i wun give myself so much trouble. i dun feel the fear of punishment anymore too... hmmmmmm. wads happening to me!!!! u can say life sucks... in my case. oh yah. today, i juz got a curfew from my dad. no phone calls after 9 pm. wt*. i mean pls lohz. how can u do such a thing... then if i sms, then get scolded, use the com, get scolded. its like living in a world where there is nothing... no technology. all u r is with urself. maybe she doesnt want me to spend so much time with my frends. bt i mean.... toking to people, asking for crash courses on phy n chem.. toking????????? huh???!!!!!!! WTF lohz..... maybe i have changed to the worse. who knows. but.... i still want to live my life. when i recall wad she say... tt when she grows old, i wun look after her, sometimes, i think she deserves it. (i'm mean, i know) but. she is still my mom. maybe she does it cos she is afraid that this would really come true... but she took so many things away from me... my memories. my childhood. when this is all over, i wouldnt be able to get back here and tok to my frends, make frends with them anymore... its gonna b like missing an opportunity.... so sad...
c.. wad .. i ... mean....

2004-01-28T17:33:00.000+08:00

so stressed out.. today... i practically slept in every single lesson..... i duno wad happened to me... did i lost interest in studying??? i dun think so... may i think too much then my brain tired le... must be i guess. i fell asleep copying phy notes. i mean i dreamt tt i was copying notes???? n end up my notes on my book were ..... omg..... haiz.... tts y lohz... anywayz i duno lahz.. wad i feeling now i have no idea.. its all in a total mess... like a mixed up box of marbles.... having an idiotic headache......... wad to do lohz????!!!! aiyo. i duno lahz. its like tt i guess. life .... if life were so nice.... it wun be life, only with misery n sadness can we call life " Life"...

2004-01-27T20:45:00.000+08:00

yah... people say that being a loner sux. but never in my life have i felt such misery. its not like being alone... maybe i m an attention seeker, i tend to want attention i guess. but its not like tt. i have been alone a million times n i feel alrite. now... its like depression... i feel so sad.. so lonely. something died in me... its causing me to feel so sad. juz when i thought i was back again, i fell.... ever into the pit... dark as ever black. *forces a smile*. its so wierd. when i wanna be tok to no one is there... but when i m all alone.... people keep coming after me. maybe its psychology works...

no one can tell me wad is wrong. hmm...... maybe i need to readjust my life... it may be imbalanced...

2004-01-27T17:25:00.000+08:00

sometimes... dreams do come true... but it does not always mean that it will have a happy ending..... now. my life is like tt. i get so many things. but it is not what i have in mind, not what i want, not what i feel. things change, as time changes... however, it is not as i have planned it. it doesnt go to that. y??? because fate was never on my side... i was doomed from the start...

2004-01-25T14:23:00.000+08:00

anticipating...... and anticipating again.... and anticipating yet again.......
wads taking him so long...... i have a poor patience.... cant he hurry up....

2004-01-24T23:58:00.000+08:00

everytime also like that. whenever i tok to my gor rite... i will end up feeling better. no matter how hard i try, i cannt do it. i cannt hate him. i must admit i try to. i get irritated n disappointed in him many times. but.... each time we r in a long discussion, i will forgive him. i duno izzit him or izzit my temperment. the fact that i can change my temper veri fast. i really duno. maybe u guys can help me decide???? pls????

2004-01-23T14:26:00.000+08:00

sometimes arh... i duno y... its just that i feel duno... disappointed lohz.. i mean its like. not jealousy. definitely not tt, i mean y shld i lohz...... =P but like. he know lohz. that i dun like it, but he still do it. wad he wan me to do? how he wan me to react? so thats y. i tell him, i give up le lahz. i give up on him, do wadeva he wan. i dun care. i dun wanna waste effort on someone who DOESNT GIVE A DAMN. i HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE DUN GIVE A DAMN. hmm..... i hate being treated like a spare tire too.... when * there then he like tt lohz. haiz...... wad to do... life is a misery. n he just caused it to become worse....

Nickaila.....

2004-01-13T20:02:00.000+08:00

sometimes.. life is never easy.. only tough.... but we still have to live through it to make the best of ourselves.. and the only way to do it is to exert ourselves, be the best that we can be... no one says that we will be alone... because we have God by our side... we can always depend on him...

2004-01-10T17:06:00.000+08:00

so bored.... and so tired.... just back from the CCA open house...... haiz..............

2003-12-15T22:42:00.000+08:00

there is so much to do... bt only so little time... blame me for nt starting earlier... haiz... so tired n sianz...
there always seem to be a new distraction wheneva i wanna get something done.....

2003-12-09T23:07:00.000+08:00

Well... tml gtta do hmwk again..... when will it all end????
till my grave???

2003-12-09T23:03:00.000+08:00

haiz..... so sianz.... at home with lots of hmwk... now this stupid thing happen....

2003-10-24T14:00:00.000+08:00

haiz... alls well... and ends well .... for that matter only... in life i still have my results to take care of... i hope i dun get retained or pushed down lower than what i am now...

2003-10-16T20:36:00.000+08:00

do u like this new layout???? :S

2003-10-16T12:32:00.000+08:00

iTs OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!
bt the funny thing is that...... i dun feel any less pressurized.... i keep asking myself...... is it really over????

2003-10-15T14:13:00.000+08:00

one more day........ yeah!!!!

2003-10-13T21:28:00.000+08:00

The exams r almost over, juz three more days.....

2003-10-10T22:31:00.000+08:00

sometimes i am so confused that i lose sight of wad i wan in life... that i dont noe wad i m doin....

2003-10-10T20:58:00.000+08:00

i so damn sianz lohz... tell me wad to do lehz....